After the abject negativity of yesterday’s post, I slept on it. Not for too long, but long enough to get the gist of what happened yesterday. Basically, it was me being petty and spiteful and ignoring the blatantly obvious.

I’m still eating too much.

It’s nowhere near what it used to be. In my heyday, I would think nothing of swinging by Chick-Fil-A, snagging three sandwiches and a box of nuggets and scarfing them all down in one sitting. I could eat an entire pound of ham, and a pound of cheese, and go looking for more. I usually would feel disgustingly full after I did that, swear to never do it again, and promptly do it again the next weekend.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I never got a good handle on why I did stupid, mindless shit like that. All I knew is that food made me happy. The texture of some thick, dense bread on the tongue would make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It’s an addiction, like alcohol or drugs or gambling or sex. Just so happens, my drug of choice is food and you need food to live. Talk about a kick in the teeth. To live, I need the very thing that will prematurely kill me if I can’t succeed.

However, next Friday marks the six-month point since I started the bariatric program. Theoretically, I’m ready for the operation, but I don’t know if I want to have the surgery done. I know there are benefits, but there are also some pretty big risks as a counterpoint. Also, if I do have the surgery, what procedure do I have? Do I go for the band, which is the least invasive? Do I go for the bypass, which is the most invasive, but also offers the best success at “curing” the Beetus? Do I opt to try to go solely with diet and exercise? Also, do I have the operation this year while the insurance still pays more or do I wait until after the holidays?

Even the name is right…

See, so many choices and me with so few answers. And I really am not good at making decisions.

I think I’m going to see how this week goes, see what my regular doc has to say, and go from there. I’ll just keep moving forward.

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