Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy

It does feel good to be working out again. Funny how I’ve become such a fan of the gym that I hardly went to the first five years I was a member. I never actually tried to quit the gym, unless I was moving to another gym. I’m always reminded of the clip from Friends when Chandler was quitting the gym. Classic stuff.

I had the pre-op nutrition class today. Filled with a lot of interesting information, primarily what can be expected before during and after my operation. The before is the fun part. I get a week of full liquids. That means, starting next Tuesday, no real food for me for three weeks.

Let’s recap…

Brian with no soda, caffeine, or real food = grumpier than usual Brian. Be warned.

There’s a whole bunch of paperwork to be done, not to mention the pre-op bathing ritual. Apparently, I need to shower the night before and morning of using a special soap called Hibicleans. This is part of an infection-reduction initiative. I also can’t shave that morning, and no manscaping four days prior to the surgery. Apparently, they no longer shave whatever area is being operated on. Good and bad… the good is that it won’t itch nearly as much as it grows back, but the bad part is that it will be a cast-iron bitch to remove the heart monitor leads.

Speaking of hearts, I have to go get a pre-op EKG. It won’t be the first one I’ve ever had, but they really aren’t that much fun. Primarily due to the leads getting stuck on your hairs. Last time I was in, I yanked one off and it looked like it was wearing a toupee. Not a lot of fun. I also have to get the requisite blood work done. I guess I know what I’ll be doing Monday morning.

Immediately before surgery, you get to put on a lovely gown, meet the anesthesiologist, and your surgeon comes and autographs where he’s going to do the deed. They give you an IV and it’s off to the cold table. I will also apparently leave the hospital weighing more than what I started at They give you an IV and it’s off to the cold table. I will also apparently leave the hospital weighing more than what I started at, due to the fluids they pump in to keep things clean. They also inflate the abdominal cavity with CO₂ to make sure there’s room to work. That gas apparently works its way out of the body eventually. I’m hoping it doesn’t exit through the normal route, because I don’t need to be sitting in the room cheesing like a defective rocket.

The rooms are apparently nice. They are singles on the seventh floor and there is room for a family member or loved one to stay the night. I will be in for two nights, if all goes according to plan.

The surgery itself is pretty involved. One of these days I’ll have to post a diagram. Basically, they create a stomach pouch, take part of the small intestine, and create a “Y” which allows for most of the food taken in to bypass the biggest piece of the stomach. The malabsorption creates a bypass and you lose weight. There’s a lot more to it, but that’s the short of it.

So, had a good run at the gym. While I forgot to take an actual picture of yesterday’s results, when I uploaded it to the website, I did manage to capture a screenshot. Improvements are good.

Tomorrow will be busy. Preop physical with Dr. McPhee, EKG and a workout session. That’s all before bedtime. Yikes! My last session with Ryan and Cory will probably be on Monday, since liquids start on Tuesday. They don’t let you work out if you’re on liquids, although you can do some relaxed walking. No strenuous cardio, which I guess I understand. Not a lot of calories going in the tank. I’ll let you know how things go tomorrow.

Have a great day!