Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy

Greetings to all!

I’m proud to report that I’ve discovered another way to get a workout.

Yard work in the heat.

It makes you sweat, but you still manage to make the yard look better. It’s a win/win! Speaking of yard work, many of you might remember the tale of Wanda, the evil bitch queen of our HOA. Got a missive from her complaining about weeds around our air conditioning unit.

Weeds we had already pulled.

Sigh.

So, I started on Thursday with my latest Xfinity run-in. This time, the internet was down. I called Comcast and talked to a rep who seemed to be less interested in solving the Mystery of the Missing Internet and more interested in getting me to subscribe to HBO, Skinemax and whatever other overpriced crap they can foist on you.

No, if I wanted to upgrade my package, I’d have called that department, or spoken to somebody regarding TV. All I wanted was the Internet to work. That’s all, folks. Also, when scheduling a repair appointment, don’t hold that appointment hostage to whether or not I want to buy a service protection plan. That’s kind of bush league, guys.

I also managed to hit the driving range twice this weekend. Saturday was far more entertaining. There was a guy in a bad toupee (I know, there is no such thing as a good toupee, so calling it a bad toupee is redundant. It was seriously heinous, though. If there were war crimes trials for bad hairpieces, this bad boy would be guilty of crimes against humanity.) all by his lonesome in a stall about four spots behind me. After every shot, he’d say (loudly), “Now that’s a golf shot!”

To himself.

My first thought was, “Well, no shit, Captain Obvious…. You’re hitting a golf ball with a golf club. Of course it’s a golf shot!”

My second thought was, “I can’t make this stuff up.”

Now, I finally got around to finishing the mulching. So I’m a little behind. My advice is to not spread mulch before you go to the gym to get in a strength training day. It tends to make things a little sore all around.

On to the meat of the post, though. It was a good day in that I got my first donation for the 5K. So, a huge thanks to Janet for breaking the shutout. Your kindness and generosity are greatly appreciated. Anyone wanting to join Janet in backing my 5K bid can do so by visiting my Avon fundraising page.

We’re getting to a point of the year where it’s easy to backslide. It’s so hot and oppressive that it’s easy to not get your work in and stay in the air conditioning. If you really want to stay in the AC, go to your local mall to walk. Many malls have information about how far one lap of their building is for the walkers and it helps break the humidity. You’re still that much farther ahead of the guy on the couch.

I’m going to do better with my writing this week. I’ve slipped a little of late and I’m not happy about it. Hope you have a great week and stay comfortable. If you must be outside, remember to hydrate. It’s important.

Song of the Day: If I Had No Loot – Tony! Toni! Toné!