Yes, I’m a day late… but better a late Festivus than no Festivus at all.
We did have it all yesterday, though. A Festivus miracle, feats of strength AND Airing of Grievances. See, I’ve complained often about the previous owner of our house and his inept construction technique. So, yesterday, Supportive Partner Woman (Decorator of trees!) was putting the finishing touches on the Pop Culture Tree when she heard a loud crash. She went to the basement to see if the heater had blown up, only to find no problems. She went back upstairs, heard another crash and looked in the garage. There’s where she found the source.
Thankfully the rake and Jolly Roger flag stopped the potential bad damage.
Seems that Former Owner Guy’s use of shitty materials had caused a bit of an issue in the garage. You know, it would make sense to attach a big shelf by using something more than drywall anchors and very short screws that don’t quite bite into the stud. But maybe that’s just me.
After the Feat of Strength
At any rate, SPW was able to manhandle the stored closet doors and heavy totes off the shelf after safely removing Mario the Super Honda from the garage without damage. That constituted the Festivus Feat of Strength. The Festivus Miracle was that no serious damage was done. The Airing of Grievances consisted of me colorfully and masterfully cursing the previous owner’s ineptitide and my desire to hunt him down and kick him in the junk with the Boot of Shame.
Mine is twice as big!
After all the fun was done, including SPW’s Feat of Strength (accomplished whilst wearing flannel penguin loungewear… no lie), I was able to rettach the shelving when I got home from work. It’s funny… you can see a bit of difference between the screws Captain Asstastic used and the type of screws that should’ve been used. They really weren’t that much more expensive. Or maybe he could’ve used an anchor rated for heavier weights, rather than a cheap one that’s best for hanging a picture.
The most important thing is that no one was hurt and everything was back in its place by the time SPW was home from work. I even got to use power tools. Woot!
This past weekend we attended a beer cheer event hosted by one of SPW’s co-workers. The basic premise was that each guest brought a six pack of something interesting, everyone sampled them, and at the end of the night, pretty much everyone went home with a new selection of brew. I also whipped up a pretty decent Cajun crab dip at 3:07 AM, because, as Jeanine says, there’s never a bad time for crab dip.
Festive Death Star!
We also did up a batch of SPW’s granny’s cutout cookies. We were faced with a dilemma, though… we had really cool Death Star cookie cutters, but I couldn’t find the black sugar (from when we did Halloween cutout cookies. My answer? Festive Death Stars! I also made festive X-Wings, festive TIE Fighters, and festive modified Corellian YT-1300 freighters.
At any rate, I wish all of you a very happy and safe holiday season, whether you celebrate Festivus, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or something I forgot to name. Check back next week for my take on the final Cinematic Titanic show and my New Years Resolutions.
Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy 