Archive for the ‘Weight loss’ Category

And the excavation continues…

Posted: June 13, 2012 in Cleaning, Cooking, Weight loss
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A typical sleep cycle here at Chez T will involve me heading to bed before The Management. See, she’s much more of a night owl than I am. I like to get to bed and accomplish things in the morning. I think I feel that if I get something done in the morning, I won’t feel unproductive through the rest of the day.

As many know, I’ve been working at cleaning out my office. That project is well on its way to completion; I’m actually writing this from my new desk, which is nothing but a folding banquet table. I have plans to build some add-ons for it, but it’s working in the meantime. My cleaning has moved on to the bedroom closet and, I’m happy to report, I’ve been joined in that effort by Supportive Partner Woman (Folder of Multitudinous T-Shirts!).

Good God that’s a lot of shirts!

We don’t have a lot of pictures of the closet, but this picture should give you an idea of what needed to be refolded and organized. I’m happy to report things look a lot better. I’d like to think that after the procedure is done, I’ll be able to buy smaller clothes.

To go along with our improved organization, we’ve been doing more meals at home and meal planning. Just yesterday, I made chipotle-marinated sirloin strips and pico de gallo. I also used some flatbreads we found at Wegman’s as a pizza crust. I put some jarred pizza sauce (I know..l. need to make my own) and mozzarella on top, along with some sliced Roma tomatoes and, in my case, some green pepper slices. For a first effort, it was actually pretty tasty, and it looked pretty good, too. When I got home from work last night, I also cooked a big pot of black beans for my steak burrito. First time I ever cooked beans that weren’t from a can, so we shall see how they turn out.

Veggie flatbread pizza – a work in progress

So, that’s what I have for you today. Remember. You can always make up for calories with flavor. Spices are generally free, so feel free to use liberally. You can make up in flavor what you lose in fat and calories.

Selling yourself or sharing yourself

Posted: June 12, 2012 in Cooking, family, friends, regrets, The Management, Weight loss
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I’ve really talked about a lot of things over the 50+ posts I’ve thrown up here. Few tidbits about life, some social commentary, shared some humorous moments… I’m here to tell you that I’ve not been completely honest with you.

It’s not that everything here is a sham… it’s not. I truly am overweight, I like to eat, cook, all that stuff. The places I’ve  been, the stories I’ve shared, all true. However, there’s a huge part of me that I’ve not shared. I want to remedy that. But first, how about a little story.

I’m hopelessly addicted to Next Food Network Star. Have been since Season 2, when Guy Fieri won. I like Food Network (big surprise) and a lot of the personalities. I watch Iron Chef America and want to actually go to Cleveland, just to eat at Michael Symon’s restaurants. I would go to Atlantic City, not to gamble but to eat at Bobby Flay Steak. I’ve been to Emeril’s Orlando. One of my favorite Food Network personalities, though, has always been Alton Brown.

Alton Brown and fishy friend

Alton is a food geek, and that appeals to me. I was intrigued by the new season of Food Network Star, where Alton, Bobby, and Italian diva Giada DeLaurentiis would each be mentoring a team of hopefuls. I started rooting for Team Alton, just because, well, they seemed quirky. Like him. At any rate, during Sunday’s episode, the remaining members of his team were all up for elimination. One of the team members, Judson Allen, finally homed in on a culinary point of view based on his astounding weight loss. However, the network was not convinced of his sincerity. Alton interjected with the following:

Being heavy… I was heavy most of my life… is painful. You learn to create a different version of yourself to project to people. You have to sell yourself because you’re not attractive and you’re heavy and you’re clumsy and all of those things.”

That just really hit me. It dawns on me that I’ve been using my alter ego so much that it’s become very difficult to know what is the real me and what is the me I’ve created. The line between the two has ceased to be clear. That’s not a good thing. So when I said earlier that I’ve not been completely honest with you, well, I haven’t exactly been honest with myself, either. I’ve actually gotten to the point where I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve molded my exterior persona to be so middle of the road in an effort to be liked that it comes across as complete bullshit (“bovine scatology”). Nobody likes a bullshitter (or perhaps I should say “bovine scatologist”). I always say that I don’t like phony people, and yet, I’m actually a phony. I’m not the jolly fat guy. I HATE BEING FAT. I am so envious of the normal sized people sometimes that it just hurts. Really, really hurts. And the only way I’ve been able to quell that inner pain is by eating. A lot. I believe that SPW (aka The Management) knows how much I hurt because she sees me in my unguarded moments, when I don’t put on my fat armor and mask. Not many other people do. It’s not something that I’ve ever really talked with her about, so consider this my coming out party, dear wife. However, the aforementioned  conflict between my two personas tends to make me, well, cranky. Or perhaps bitterly sarcastic. Or both. Mostly both, methinks. Either way, that conflict manifests itself in my hardly being able to really experience and appreciate the goodness and joyousness that I want to believe is still in the world.

I really started fearing that this was happening when we made our annual December trek to Disney to see all of our friends for Reunion. It was like I was going through the motions rather than enjoying the company of like-minded people. I wasn’t having fun. I hurt, mainly from carrying the weight around, literally and figuratively. I kept thinking to myself, “How the hell can I be in the Happiest Place on Earth, surrounded by some of my favorite people, and be as miserable as I am?” I did what I normally do… I sucked it up and did the best I could, but I wanted nothing more than to be elsewhere. I usually feel that way anymore… just want to be elsewhere, to find a place where I don’t have to wear the fat armor, because that’s heavy weight to lugging around all the time. You know what, there is no such place. It’s still accepted to discriminate against fat… just look around at all the popular culture. The fat guy is usually portrayed as dimwitted and slow while the this handsome guy is always the hero.

I’m done playing the role. I’m fat, but I’m not always going to be. Maybe I didn’t get the winning ticket in the good looks department, but I’m not going to let being fat steal anymore of my life. It’s taken enough for two lifetimes. Bear with me… some of the bovine scatologist will linger. One does not exorcise the demons immediately. After all, I have to relearn how to be me and to love being who I am. That’s not a task I’m relishing, although I think the reward will be worth all the pain. To look in a mirror and see me, not what I think I should be, but who I am, well, that will be one of the best days of my life.

I’ll keep you posted. And thanks for reading.

I almost forgot a title…

Posted: June 11, 2012 in Cooking, diabetes, family, The Beetus, Wegman's, Weight loss
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Today was a kitchen day. It didn’t start out to be, but it certainly ended up as such.

For whatever reason, I thought about making my own pico de gallo, but I started out with a little tomato, mozzarella and basil salad. Nothing to that… just dice up some Roma tomatoes, put them in a bowl with some cubed mozzarella (use part skim mozzarella for a little more health benefit), them I add just plain Italian salad dressing and some basil (fresh, if I have it, dried if not). Cover the bowl after tossing the salad, put it in the fridge, and it’ll be ready to go in an hour or so.

I followed that up by seeding and dicing more tomatoes and some red onion. I’ve never attempted to make pico before, but I’ve had it enough to figure out what I need. Just not sure if I got the proportions right. I also don’t have any cilantro, so I let the tomatoes and onions soak in the lime juice and will add cilantro when I get to the store. I know it needs to sit awhile, so no worries.

One tip, if you’re going to make something like this, make sure you seed the tomatoes. If not, you have a mess. It’s really easy to do. Just quarter a tomato and use a spoon to scrape out the seeds. It’s really easy with Roma tomatoes, since they don’t have much in the of seeds to begin with.

The other task I undertook was to make some marinated sirloin for burrito use. I looked at a few recipes and decided to improvise. I took a can of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, pureed them in a blender, then I forced them through a strainer to get rid of the seeds. To this puree, I added half of a red onion, some cumin, oregano, garlic and black pepper, ran it through the blender, dumped it in plastic bag with some sirloin tenders we located on clearance at the Greatest Grocery Store on the Planet. Picked the steak up on a good deal as it was about to hit its sell-by date. I’ll let the meat marinade overnight and grill it up on the morning to see what happens. Truffles, however, were NOT a good deal. Seems like the price fluctuates with the season.

In other news, we picked up a lot of ingredients to make a food contribution for a project we have in the offing. I’m cooking up a baked pasta dish with a choice of meat sauce or marinara sauce. That little project will keep us busy the next couple of weeks. I’m kind of doing it on the fly, but it’s pasta. Hard to mess that up.

Blood glucose reading this morning was 114. Pretty happy with that. It’s staying a lot more stable, which is a good thing. It was fluctuating wildly for a few months, plus, I wasn’t checking it as regularly as I should have been. Gotta toe the line if I want to succeed.

Anyways, back to work tonight. I have my first ever trainees… this should prove to be interesting.

A daunting challenge…

Posted: June 8, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, family, friends, The Management, Weight loss
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For most people, when they hear the words “daunting challenge,” it usually conjures up an image of something so difficult as to be nearly unachievable. To Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay, the climbing of Everest would have been a daunting challenge. What I’m embarking on doesn’t sound like much, at least not when compared with climbing Everest or running a 5K, half marathon and a marathon IN ONE WEEKEND. To me it has the same level of challenge, though.

See, I had my first group class today in the bariatric program. What I’ve taken away is that I’m going to have to relearn how to live. This is quite a daunting challenge for me, because one could argue that I haven’t exactly been doing so well thus far, and maybe going back to square one is a good idea. It was a very good session, though. Things started off with a presentation by the dietitian, Shauna, who gave the class an idea of what changes they need to be making. One of those changes is the cutting down on fats, and they, of course, showed a picture of bacon. That’s going to be tougher than caffeine, because I can live without the latter. Bacon, however, was created by God because He loves us and wants us to be happy. Of course, what’s the point of being happy if you’re not healthy? She also suggested that we be mindful of what we’re taking in, calorie-wise. I can see that being important. They even said that if we’re not sure what to look for on a label, they will cover that in a one-on-one session. Tracking can be an issue, thankfully they suggest some apps and technology to make that a little easier to do. Everyone knows I love my tech.

Following Shauna’s talk, Ryan took over. Ryan is an exercise physiologist who took us through some of the things we can do to exercise productively. He suggested that anything can help, even if it’s an old Richard Simmons VHS. This of course, inspired me to find this gem:

It seems to me that everyone at the bariatric clinic is super supportive and they genuinely want people to have success. That’s good, because this sure as hell isn’t going to be easy. I’m glad that I have such fine support amongst my friends, coworkers and family members. The one who has been the most supportive of me and whose support I need more than any other would be The Management. Seems to me that I do her a disservice referring to her as The Management. Maybe I should take a page from her blog and refer to her as Supportive Partner Woman (Drinker of Frozen Concoctions!)

Thoughts?

I’m not crazy…

Posted: June 6, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, diabetes, Stress, The Beetus, Weight loss
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Well, the appointment with the psychologist went well. It was nice to lay out a lot of what’s been eating at me over the last however many years and to get some affirmation that I’m not crazy. Dr. Collins was able to give me some recommendations and also some helpful hints to get ready for the surgery.

Yes, I think that as of this juncture I’m going to go through with it. I’m about at the end of the rope with the injections and the constant joint pain and the sleep apnea and everything else. I want to be healthy… I waited long enough to find the right woman and I want to have as much time with her as I can. I owe it to myself to stick around, too… there’s a lot that I haven’t seen/done, so I need more time to work on the bucket list.

Speaking of bucket list stuff, we’re about five weeks from the Roger Waters show. To see The Wall performed live will be something to cross off the list. If, by some miracle, David Gilmour were to show up and do Comfortably Numb with Waters, well, that would be cause for an eargasm.

It’s been a sad year for music, though. There’s been a lot of good ones (IMHO) who have departed the mortal coil in 2012 so far. Let’s take a look at that roll call (and I’m sure I missed a few… I’m getting old):

Etta James
Whitney Houston
Ronnie Montrose
Leon Spencer
Earl Scruggs
Andrew Love (Memphis Horns)
Levon Helm
Adam (MCA) Yauch
Donald “Duck” Dunn
Donna Summer
Davy Jones
Robin Gibb
Eduard Khil

So, folks… there you have it. I have my first group session on Friday… we shall see how that goes.

Next step

Posted: June 5, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, family, friends, Stress, Weight loss
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Greetings!

After yesterday’s tangential rant, I thought I would take the focus back to the weight. See, tomorrow afternoon is my psych consult. Apparently, they want to figure out why I am the way I am. Good luck with that. As Charlie Sheen said, “You can’t process me with a normal brain!”

And I just know this is what it will look like.

Seriously, the purpose of the consult is to determine if I’m a good candidate for surgery. Seems they won’t do it unless I have the right attitude and frame of mind to make it work. I’m actually looking forward to this, but I’m nervous at the same time. I’ve been thinking I should seek out a professional for some time, because I know that I have issues. I’m hoping that a session will be a good beginning, something that I can build on and get better.

I have no doubt that I have issues. I think everyone has issues of some kind, in some cases buried deep, in others, right on a sleeve. It’s finding the issues, confronting them, and reaching a peace that’s important.

I’ll let you know how it goes… so please keep good thoughts for me.

Stress…

Posted: May 25, 2012 in regrets, Stress, Weight loss
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Today’s post is about stress. Pretty straightforward thing, stress. Apply too much to anything and it will break. Stress affects different people differently. Some people thrive on it. Some grit their teeth and handle it. Some have a breakdown. Others cope in different ways. For me, I stress eat.

See, I’ve never been really good at letting go of things. Just ask The Management. She notices how little things can just linger. Take for example, Volleyball Corner. Volleyball Corner is a small store on Lincoln Highway. It’s located near Lancaster Mennonite School, and well, it drives me nuts because IT’S NOT ON A FREAKIN’ CORNER!!!!! It’s in the middle of a *^#%&^ building!!! The only corner would be the actual corners inside the store itself. Compare this to Angelo’s Soccer Corner, which is located on the corner of the building. Is there any real reason this should bother me? No. It’s stupid to let this get under my skin, but for some reason I can’t seem to let it go.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
We’ve all heard that famous Friedrich Nietzsche quote. I disagree. Stress is cumulative. Take a piece of thin metal. Keep bending it back and forth. It won’t break the first or second time you bend it, but continued bending will break the metal, sure as shooting. You can argue that people aren’t metal, but I’m willing to bet that continued stress puts wear and tear on your body that it’s not always equipped to handle.
 
This is one reason I’m really looking forward to my appointment with the psychologist on the bariatric team. I’m hoping to get some insight on what I can do about my little stressors. Maybe I’ll eventually learn to deal with my irrational fear of clowns.
 
At the very least, I hope to learn some ways to avoid keeping it all bottled up. It’s not healthy and I know it’s a big contributor to being obese and diabetic.
 
Have a great holiday weekend… The Management and I will be joining some of the Disney peeps tomorrow for a picnic. Will be nice to see everyone.

Chicken n’ Trout (and beauty supplies, too!)

Posted: May 23, 2012 in family, preakness, Weight loss
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Happy Wednesday to all the fine reader (sic) out there!

It’s a typical day here. Managed to get some exercise… I edged the lawn, trimmed the Lilac Bush from Hell, sprayed the lawn and even managed to cook up some dinner. That’s something I’ve been lacking on. It’s not that I mind cooking… I actually rather enjoy it. I’ve just been lazy. Maybe lazy isn’t the correct word. Probably better to say unmotivated. That’s always a problem when my weight increases. I get less motivated to do things that I normally enjoy, then I get more despondent about the stuff that’s not getting done, making me go running for the food… It’s like the character Fat Bastard says in Austin Powers, “… I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat.” There’s a lot of truth found in jest.

Last night I managed to cull the freezers. It’s amazing what you can find in the dark frozen recesses of the freezer. We are guilty of forgetting what we have in there, buying more of whatever it is, then using that first and so on until you find a chicken breast that was dated sometime in 2004, which means it was three years old WHEN WE MOVED IT! That’s a little extreme, but when I found it, it was so freezer burned that it looked like a mummy. I wound up ditching a lot of stuff that was three+ years old ranging from soup to chicken to fish portions. There was fresh pasta that was freezer burned, frozen juice with more ice in it than a margarita.

Now you’re probably asking yourselves why. Why doesn’t he cook? Why doesn’t he keep better track of what’s in the freezer? That’s a pretty good question. As you know, it’s The Management and myself in Chez Brian. Both of us are decent cooks, we just tend to eat out. Anyone can tell you how bad that is for your health and weight. We reason it away… for The Management she likes to go out with some of her friends to catch up on the latest. For me, I guess I’m embarrassed that there are only two seats in our break area that I can fit into.

Getting to the title of today’s post, upon leaving Pimlico on Saturday, Baltimore police were routing traffic into a not-so-nice area of Baltimore

Image

(which many of you who have been there know is pretty much anywhere between the Beltway and the Inner Harbor). This, compounded with GPS confusion, took us past a staggering array of establishments advertising fried chicken and lake trout. In one notable instance, the chicken and trout place was also selling beauty supplies. Sadly, I don’t have a picture of that sign, but I do have a great picture of another sign.

So, back to the original point. I’m going to do my best to bring my meals from home. If I go through with the surgery, I’m going to have to revamp my eating habits, so might as well get ahead of it now.

I’ll leave you with something else from Fat Bastard.

Of course I’m not happy! Look at me, I’m a big fat slob.

Not for long, self… not for long.

General Malaise, reporting for duty

Posted: May 17, 2012 in Weight loss
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Before anyone asks, General Malaise is not the Supreme Allied Commander in Europe. General Malaise is a condition that The Management and I suffer from. Part of it is depression-related, part of it is simply just feeling crappy. General Malaise shows up when you have a pile of stuff to do and you wind up sitting and staring at the stuff to be done without actually doing any of it.

The time has come to fight General Malaise. He is a bad bad man (or woman) and he is evil.

I’m not saying that you should never have a lazy day where you just need to chill. Far from it. It’s that you can’t let the lazy days rule your life. If everyone felt that way, we’d never get anything done. We’d be sitting back, waiting for it to happen.

It’s OK to have down days. Not everyone can be happy 100% of the time, unless they are using some seriously good drugs. Even the happiest people I come in contact with have bad days from time to time. The key is to keep them in balance.

On the weight loss front, I’ve managed to enter all the upcoming appointments into the ball and chain (or the iPrecious). I find that while I’m looking forward to seeing the dietician and the exercise guys, I’m really looking forward to seeing the psychologist. I’ve been thinking for some time that it might do me some good to talk to a professional and maybe figure out why I have this compulsion for Cheetos and other carb-y goodness. I realize that one session won’t totally unravel 41 years of bad behavior, but maybe it can point me in the right direction.

Won’t be writing much this weekend. We’ll be taking our place along the rail for the Preakness on Saturday. Maybe I will do some wardrobe commentary because this is a great place to watch people.

Have a great day!

Doctor doctor…

Posted: May 14, 2012 in Weight loss
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This morning was the long (well, a couple of weeks, anyway) awaited appointment with a bariatric physician. I was very nervous going into the appointment. After the consultation, I’ve enhanced my calm.

I had no idea that the process was as involved as it is. They first weighed me on something that looked like a highway scale. I was worried that a semi would be pulling in soon. After that, we were taken to the surgeon’s office for the consultation. Dr. McPhee is a former naval surgeon who has done two Middle Eastern tours. I was impressed with his candor during the consultation. He wasn’t one of these, “Let me carve you up like a piece of meat” surgeons. He was very blunt that they won’t do any surgery on people who don’t make the full commitment to the program, and they won’t rush me into making a decision. Here’s a little intro on Dr. McPhee:

After meeting with him, The Management and I were introduced to Nichole, who will be my case manager. She was very friendly, open and supportive. She revealed to us that she had the surgery four years ago and it has worked for her. I asked if she would do it again, and she said she would, with no hesitation. She explained how the program will work, who I will be seeing, and also what my commitments need to be. I will be getting a psych evaluation, in addition to meeting with a nutritionist and exercise physiologists. They require group sessions in addition to making at least one visit to a support group.

Next step for me is some baseline blood work, followed by an appointment with my primary physician. I will be seeing her every month to monitor my weight. They will also more closely monitor my diabeetus (as Wilford Brimley calls it) (for amusing videos, check out this post.

All in all, I’m really psyched by this. I think this might just be the kick in the butt I need to make a far-reaching life change. I know I can’t continue to walk (waddle) around as Captain Fatass… the self-loathing really takes a lot of energy that could be put to better use. Even if I wind up not opting for surgery, I will still learn lessons on how to eat right and how to exercise. Might make our next visit to the Land of the Mouse into more fun and less World Showcase Death March.

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