Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy

Whazzzup?!?!?!

Did I ever mention just how annoying I thought those commercials were? What must have been happening at Anheuser-Busch during that pitch meeting? Here’s how I see it going down.

Advertising guy:
“We’re thinking of replacing the talking lizards that people actually like with a bunch of idiots doing an updated, simplified version of “The Telephone Hour” from Bye Bye Birdie, only it’ll be about beer.”

A-B exec:
“That sounds like a great idea!”

Who thinks of stuff like that? Gilbert Gottfried?

Anyway, moving right along….

The yard sale was moderately successful. Among the highlights was seeing a dead ringer for Santa Claus, wearing shorts and sandals. He bought a collectable holiday Cabbage Patch kid that was dressed as Santa. No kidding. I had to be kind of surreptitious taking the picture, I didn’t want to be rude to the guy. He might drop a lump of coal in my stocking and we have electric heat.

It was pretty funny, though.

After the dreaded yard sale was done, we packed up everything that didn’t sell and took it to the nearest Goodwill store. But not after the obligatory stop at Schell’s. Schell’s is a Berks County tradition. Located on the 5th Street Highway in Temple, it boasts a fast food restaurant, a dairy swirl and the best mini-golf in the area, IMHO. Among their offerings are a hamburger BBQ that is like nothing I have ever had. It starts with ground beef that is minced unbelievably fine. After that, it’s up to the sloppy joe sauce, which we’re pretty sure contains narcotics. They take a steamed bun, put a glop of this beefy goodness on it and it’s off to food nirvana. They also have cheddar cheese cubes on the menu. They take breaded cheese cubes and fry them. Yum! The other big selling point is the roller grill with Berks hot dogs. The downside is that the fries kind of suck. Very blah and need some serious salt and ketchup to be palatable. The Dairy Swirl has some great soft-serve flavors, including a chocolate malt that tastes like a Cho-cho. I tend to gravitate toward the orange-vanilla swirl. There was no ice cream consumed yesterday, so it was still a good food day. Sadly, we didn’t play a round of mini-golf, either. Would’ve been a great day for it, but had to get to Goodwill.

After Goodwill, we came home and I fixed my bar shelving problem. Transferred all the bottles and barware downstairs, put shelf protectors down, took a shower and we went out to the mall. Had to go to the AT&T store as the mother-in-law’s cell phone died. Managed to score a sweet Nokia, something very basic for her to use. I guess I need to visit the in-laws so I can swap out the SIM cards and go from there. Also stopped by the Apple Store and lusted after the new iPhone. Hopefully soon, ’cause FaceTime is wicked awesome.

Came home, took a good walk, even though trying to keep up with the pace of Joe Satriani’s Summer Song totally kicked my ass.

I should mention that after I took a shower, I finally got on the scale and found the following waiting for me:

I think that’s close enough to qualify for the “I did it!” for the first goal. It feels really really good to know that if I keep things up, the next time I step on that scale, the first number will be a 2. It’s been an awfully long time since I saw that and I’m so looking forward to it.

It’s been a helluva whirlwind journey so far. I’m closing the book on the first chapter. Who’s ready for Chapter 2? I hope I am.

Today, I’m going to leave you with the following tweet:

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 Happy Independence Day, America.