Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy

Greetings from Stalag 8012!

Perhaps that is a little strong. See, I’m stuck in Lancaster General Hospital due to the attack of the Amazing Technicolor Toe. Many faithful readers can recall the epic tale of Lord GOMF, the Earl of Bunion. That particular blister was thought vanquished. Well turns out he’s back and seriously pissed off.

See, a couple of weeks ago I got a blister. Fairly innocuous, so I lanced it and slathered it with bacitracin. The usual treatment for a blister that I’ve employed countless times before. This time, well, there was a sinister interloper…. streptococci. I didn’t know this, but apparently you can get strep toe. I’m living proof.

I continued treating myself and the toe just didn’t get any better. A couple of days ago, I noticed it was becoming colorful and getting a tad swollen. Before I knew it, it was roughly the size of Donald Trump’s ego and I was running a 102.2 fever. That’s pretty steep for anyone, but since I normally run a 96.8, it scared me. I took some Advil and the fever subsided, but I knew I needed some help. Before I did that, though, I had the Alzheimer’s Memory Walk on Sunday. Three miles at Citizen’s Bank Park. I finished that with no major issues.

So Monday, I got the Management to take me to Urgent Care who sent me to the ER. At the ER, the Magical Mystery Toe was unveiled and promptly became a must-see stop. They admitted me and started the IV antibiotics. I’m pretty sure that by this point they’ve pumped me so full of antibiotics that you could drop me into a giant Petrie dish full of anthrax and I’d be ok.

So, after x rays, MRI, ultrasound and God knows what else, I’m on the cusp of my first general anesthesia. This has me freaked out like nobody’s business. I’m so skittish right now I’m like a hyperkinetic poodle on crystal meth. I’m hoping I’ll be able to continue the post when I’m out of surgery and the Amazing Technicolor Toe is less… colorful.

Thanks for all the support and well wishes. I’m going to be ok. I hope. It might curtail my participation in the next International Mr. Sexy Legs competition, but then again, the people who saw the last one might say that might not be a bad thing.

See you on the other side.

Most recent weight: 291.4