Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy

Haven’t been particularly into it these past couple of days. No real reason except work is getting a little stressful. Not so much the work, but the incessant chatter of certain coworkers. I’m all in favor of having a good time while working, believe you me, but I really don’t need to hear your entire life’s story from DNA up until that afternoon. I ESPECIALLY don’t need to hear it every day and at volumes that could be easily heard over a Rush concert. It’s days like these that I really wish my headphones went to 11… I just want to go and do my job and go home. Is that too much to ask?

Ok, mini rant over.

Seriously, though, I’ve kind of been feeling blah the last couple of days. I’m not quite sure why… I think it’s going back to the dietitian appointment. I know logically that it’s no big deal, but emotionally, I feel like I’ve already failed. I’ve thought long and hard about why I get these feelings at the slightest bump in the road… And I’ve never come up with an adequate answer.

That’s not me at all.

I think one thing I really need to do is just learn to relax. I remember when I was a kid seeing a poster or sign and on this sign there was a picture of an old man and it was captioned, “Sometimes I sets and thinks, and sometimes I just sets.” (sic) I remember thinking that was kind of stupid… Why would you just sit? The older I get, the more sense that makes. I never learned to just sets. Probably explains why sleeping in is never an option for me. Once I wake up, my brain is going a million miles an hour. Even when we go on vacation, I am usually up and raring to go and obsessing over time and what we planned to do. (Note – I did some research and the quote is actually from baseball legend Satchel Paige)

In other news, also adding to the stress level, Supportive Partner Woman and I recently closed on a refinance of our home. Reduced the mortgage interest some 2.5%. Or at least we THOUGHT we closed. Turns out when the gnomish little notary guy came to the house yesterday to sign the paperwork, well, he forgot one. He called, frantic, and since I was at work last night and SPW was visiting her parental units, he agreed to come back over this morning at 10:00. It’s now 11:30 and no sign of him. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but this does not make me happy. Sigh. If I don’t hear from him by noon, I’m going to call. Hopefully nothing untoward has happened.

So, how to learn to relax? I suppose I could learn to meditate, but my sister in law gave me another option. Yoga. She found a DVD that she thinks would be useful and she swears it helps to relieve stress. I’m concerned that if I try to do some of this stuff, I’ll spot weld in whatever downward facing dog pose I’m trying. But the DVD sits there, tempting me to try. I think I will need to consult with Ryan on Tuesday and see if he thinks it’s a good idea for me to try. I need to try something because I’m getting closer to falling back into the old habits. I do not want that to happen again.

Point of the matter is, it’s just a scale. A collection of sensors and electronics that could have been having a bad day itself. Maybe the humidity level threw something off. Maybe my shoes really do weigh 7 pounds more than my other shoes. Maybe I needed to use the bathroom. I don’t know. Whatever the cause, reason, I was NOT happy and I’ll be damned if I’m going to give up. I’ve gotten this far… I’ll get farther. My usual M.O. of trying for a bit then giving up isn’t going to cut the mustard. At the same token, I’m human and nowhere near perfect. I’m going to stumble. I’ll probably stumble a lot. Just need to keep moving forward.

One day, one meal at a time.