Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy

So, after a couple days in the bastion of healing, I’ve come up with a couple of hard, incontrovertible truths.

1) Sleep is important to healing.
2) It’s damn near impossible to sleep in a hospital, unless they have you under anesthesia.

I learned this when they get me up every four hours to go for a walk. This is to prevent blood clots, or so they say. It is a good idea, since blood clots are bad… Very bad. However, while you’re sleeping, they have these things on your legs that inflate and deflate to do exactly the same thing.., prevent blood clots.

So after you do your mandatory constitutional, you lay back down in bed and by the time you finally drift off again, one of the vampire crew shows up to collect blood, waking you up again. It’s about that time when you give up, opt to sit in your chair and blog.

Speaking of walking, Supportive Partner Woman (great motivator!) and I calculated my laps from yesterday and realized that I walked almost 2.5 miles. In slipper socks. No wonder my feet are hurting a bit. But in the good news department, I get discharged today.

Yay!!! (Insert happy dance)

Things are actually feeling pretty good. I still ache, but I’ve not taken any painkillers since yesterday. I’ve also started expelling the surgical gas. I know… No one wants to hear about farting, but it is an unfortunate byproduct of laparoscopic surgery. The other side effect showed up when they weighed me last night. I’m 11 pounds heavier than when I checked in on Tuesday morning. That too is cycling out, but it will take a few days to unload all that retained fluid. Plus, they have me on a pretty constant IV of Ringer’s lactate. That stuff should be familiar to anyone who watched the 70’s TV show Emergency! Seems it’s used to help pump up blood volume. I think it’s also used to keep me chained to an IV pole.

I am ready to go home and get on with the process of healing. Dr. McPhee seems to think ill be able to be off all of my diabetes medications. This makes me very happy. No more insulin? That would be spectacular. Not to mention save a lot of cash. I’d even willingly sacrifice the full vial in the fridge. I’m pretty happy about the prospect of no longer being a human pincushion.

In the other cool news, we got to see a helicopter land and drop off a patient yesterday afternoon. It was pretty cool to watch. I’ll include a picture from my window. Hopefully the victim is OK. I did not find any details in the media, but it was kind of cool to watch.

At any rate, back to being bored for the last few hours of my confinement. More later!