The title pretty much describes how I feel. I left out frustrated, though.
I think the combination of the post operative blues, third shift and the Toe That Will Not. Freakin. Heal. has really been weighing on me. I’m kind of fed up, to the point that weight loss or not, I have times where I regret the surgery. I know, it’s not like I can return it, but I just really want to feel good and instead I feel meh.
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate the fact that I fit in my clothes that much easier and I can bend over and tie my shoes. Hell, I can actually SEE my feet for a change. Better than having to just catch a glimpse over the Buddha. It’s just that while I don’t miss the general lethargy of being a fat tie, I miss the days when I just felt good in general. I haven’t had one of those days since before the operation.
The thing that really bothers me is that I have this scent in my mind. It’s at the edge of my consciousness, I can’t even tell you what it is, but I smell it everywhere. It’s a sickly sweet odor and it can have me on the verge of nausea. I’m not sure why it’s happening, but I think it’s related to surgery. It goes well with my phantom pain from my toe. I’m normal, though… I’ve seen a lot of people post about the phantom scents and that it will usually go away in about two months.
In the good news, the toe has actually started to show some healing. Dr. Miller also fashioned a spacer that I can use to keep the toe off the shoe and I can probably go back to a regular shoe rather than the Boot of Shame. Once it heals up, he wants to do a tendon release, which is a minor surgical procedure that will take about a week to heal. Otherwise, I will be at a higher risk of similar problems in the future. I’m just glad that I might finally be out of the boot. The latex appliance is still curing, but if it gives me a chance to be out of the dreaded boot and getting back to living, well, I’m all for it.
Did some kitchen stuff yesterday. I mixed up a batch of tuna salad and also made my first-ever oven roasted chicken. I rubbed the bird down with olive oil, rubbed spices up under the skin, stuffed the cavity full of onions and celery and garlic. It turned out pretty good and yes, I did manage to eat a small piece of it. It was very juicy and flavorful, which is what you hope for.
At any rate, I think I’m going to head to bed. Just a few more days of dreaded third shift to go.Then, maybe back to living like a normal person?
Who knows.
Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy 