Archive for the ‘Bariatric surgery’ Category

Day four, or I want pizza, dammit!

Posted: February 15, 2013 in Bariatric surgery, diabetes, Physical activity, Supportive Partner Woman, The Beetus, Walking, Weight loss
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Day four of no caffeine.

I won’t lie… it’s been very hard. I actually dropped a coin in the vending machine yesterday, but got it back. The headaches have pretty much subsided. The worst day was Wednesday. It felt like there was a little man jackhammering away inside my skull. I’ve found that the best way to get through is to drink so much water that you wind up irrigating yourself like a personalized Tennessee Valley Authority.

I did take precautions against water intoxication. I’ve discovered the joys of PowerAde Zero. This stuff is like liquid crack. It really helps quench the thirst after a workout, and it doesn’t have any sugar or carbs. Highly recommend the orange flavor. Just a warning… it doesn’t mix well with protein powder.

Today started out on a down note. I managed to sleep through my alarm, so I didn’t make it to the gym. I brought my workout clothes, so I can go after work. I’m breaking in my new trainers that arrived the other day. So far, pretty comfy, but not suitable for gym use until broken in. I’ve made the mistake of being too eager with new sneakers… the blister on Wayne was not too much fun, nor was the time I had to spend wearing the Boot of Shame.

I’m pretty proud of myself, though… I managed to start working my way through the DVR backlog and didn’t eat any snacks whilst parked in front of the tube. I went to bed, my sugar was 83, so I had a little snack (a carb balance wheat tortilla, some shaved ham and a piece of cheese), I also succumbed and took some cough syrup, as I’ve been suffering from a nagging cold these last few days. Well, I woke up with a sugar reading of 204, all from a dose of really nasty tasting cough medicine. Sigh.

Today is a Friday, which means no meat. I have to wonder, though… why are eggs allowed, but chicken is not? What are eggs, other than unfertilized chickens? Regardless, I have some of my yummy clam chowder. I’m really pleased with how well it turned out. Supportive Partner Woman (also trying to quit caffeine!) liked it as well. Always glad when a recipe is a crowd pleaser.

Not sure what I will do for dinner. I guess we’ll see how I feel after my workout. I’m really craving pizza for whatever reason, but that would not be a smart move. It would be fine with one slice, but I’m sure there would be a whole pie in my future and that is not cool. I’d like to think I could control myself, but probably not.

Anyway, that about does it for the day. Hopefully I have a good workout tonight, and can get a couple in over the weekend.

Hope you have a great weekend, everyone!

Chowdah!

Posted: February 13, 2013 in Bariatric surgery, cold weather, Cooking, Exercise, recipes, Weather
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I was a bad boy this morning.

I woke up around 4:20, realized how wiped out I was feeling and promptly reset the alarm for 6:30. Loosely translated, that means no visit to the gym at the crack of dawn for me. The extra two hours of sleep didn’t help much, though. I’m yawning and just feeling generally run down. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the cold that has been residing in my head and chest these last few days.

So, last night I had a choice. I could either watch a bunch of self-serving politicians tell lies and get applauded for it, or I could make a batch of New England clam chowder (or as my friends from New England would say, “chowdah!”)

I opted to go the chowdah route. It’s been cold enough for thick soup and with Lent and all that upon us, it comes in handy. I start with a base recipe that I have modified to contain less fat and hopefully all of the taste. I’ll include it here:

New England Clam Chowder

Ingredients:

1/2 lb onion, diced
1/2 lb celery, diced
12 oz red potatoes, large diced
4 cans chopped clams and juice
32 oz fat-free half & half
32 oz clam juice
1 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp basil
2 tbsp olive oil
Bacon salt to taste
4 splashes of Tabasco Chipotle
1 can corn (drained) (optional)
1/2 lb roux

Roux:
1/4 lb butter
1/4 lb flour

Melt butter, blend in flour to make roux.

Directions:

1. In a 2 gallon stockpot, cook onion and celery in olive oil and bacon salt until translucent.
2. Pour in chopped clams in juice, clam juice, diced potato and seasonings; blend well.
3. Bring to simmer over medium heat, for 5 – 10 minutes.
4. Add half & half, increase heat until it comes to a slow boil.
5. Add roux slowly, mixing well. Keep mixing until well incorporated.
6. Reduce heat – simmer uncovered for 15 minutes.

It comes out with a nice smoky flavor from the chipotle Tabasco and also the bacon salt. Also, adding the corn can make for an interesting texture and adds a hint of sweetness to the taste. By using the fat- free half & half, you also cut out a lot of extraneous fat and it still thickens nicely.

So, as for the Lenten resolutions, I’m giving up soda. I know… kind of harsh. Fact is, I have to do it post surgery, so I might as well get used to it. I will miss it, no doubt about that. Not so much the taste, but the carbonation. Granted, with such greatly reduced stomach capacity, there will be no room for the bubbles at the inn. I know there’s a lot I will have to give up, at least for some time. It’s a small price to pay when it comes down to it. My reward will be a healthier me. I think it will be worth it.

Hope that you have a great day!

The next six pounds

Posted: February 12, 2013 in Bariatric surgery, Cooking, diabetes, Exercise, Physical activity, The Rec, Walking, Weight loss
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Good evening!

So, today dawned with me still appreciating the afterglow of yesterday’s good news at the doctor’s office. I got myself up and went to the gym, which is how I’ve really started to like my mornings. It’s SOOOO much better than getting up and heading down to the Nerd Lair to watch TV and perhaps (read: probably) graze on stuff that’s bad for me.

222764_10200643298751451_1212397042_nI tested my blood sugar and it was a kind of high 150. Mornings are always freaky for me. I took my recommended 10 units of insulin, ate a banana and drank a protein shake (breakfast of champions, baby!), then headed to the rec. It was a little later than normal, so I had to cut things a little shorter than usual. I still managed 1.74 miles on the treadmill at an average speed of 2.78 mph. That’s faster than it’s been, for those keeping score at home. I did, however, notice something.

What’s the deal with the roid junkies who show up at the gym clad in shorts, weightlifting gloves, muscle shirts and a wool stocking cap? I mean, if you’re trying to stay warm, maybe I might suggest sweatpants? If you’re trying to be a badass, you might try a different sort of headgear. Just some friendly advice.

Literary enemy #1

Literary enemy #1

After that, the day goes downhill. I had to go to work. It’s amazing how all the good feeling you’ve built up with a decent workout can be burst in a few minutes. Today, it was the incessant chatter. And not conversation. It’s more the “I’m doing this, now I’m doing that.” It’s like listening to a James Joyce book on CD, only without the option of ejecting the disc, breaking said disc in many pieces and setting the pieces on fire. (No, I’m NOT a James Joyce fan)

Please don’t take it that I hate my job. I don’t. I know that what I do isn’t the most scintillating work on the planet, but it’s all the attendant bullshit that goes along with it. I often want to just go home and not think about it until the next day when I have to go in to work.

Anyway, before getting sidetracked, I was talking about success. I had a taste of it on the scale and I really liked the feeling. So, today I wanted to be more of the same. My packed lunch included two Mission Carb Balance wheat burrito shells filled with leftover Chipotle, a container of Greek yogurt, some pistachio nuts, a protein shake and the ever-present water bottle. I also decided to go cold turkey on caffeine, which might be where my irritability came from today. That plus a cold, and well, I’m a tad cranky. Don’t judge.

Dinner was the final remnants of the seemingly endless burrito bowl along with some grilled chicken and broccoli. All in all, not too shabby.

So, tomorrow is another day. It’s also Ash Wednesday, so I gotta think of something to give up for Lent. Could I make 40 days sans caffeine? Especially since I go to third shift in a month? Any bets?

Didn’t think so.

What’s in a number?

Posted: February 11, 2013 in Bariatric surgery, Doctors and Dentists and Nurses... oh my!, Exercise, Goals, Physical activity, Walking, Weight loss
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I got a number today.

No, not a phone number.

Not a cash balance.

Not a tax rate.

I got the number six.

Six… it’s one more than five. One less than seven. It’s 2+4. Or 3+3, or even 2×3. It could be the square root of 36.

For me, it represented a minor victory over the scale.

See, I lost six pounds.

Now, I realize six pounds isn’t a lot to most people. It’s a bit more than a bag of flour. Or maybe it’s about three quarts of water. For me it was finally the scale moving in the right direction. All the time I’ve spent in the gym, on the treadmill, even walking the parking lot at the office.

I know I don’t have anyone to blame but myself for the slow progress. I usually manage to shoot myself in the foot when i attempt to lose weight. It’s the whole comfort factor of food. I’m not sure why it comforts me… it’s the cause of a lot of my issues and hangups. My other curse is that I’m a grazer. If there’s food, I’ll eventually find it and start munching. Next thing you know, I’m laying in a heap wearing an empty fried chicken bucket as a hat. It’s not pretty.

I was bound and determined to lose something for today’s appointment. I hit the gym extra hard, was careful with what I ate, and it actually showed on the scale for the first time since I started this whole process. It’s hard to describe how it made me feel, knowing that I finally succeeded. The journey isn’t over… I have to lose six more in two weeks. There will be a lot of gym time, a lot of salad, and very few pretzels and snack foods. It will be tough, but it will be worth it.

There were a couple things that lit a fire under my tubby butt, but the real clincher was going to support group last Thursday and hearing what the Patient of the Month had to say. First of all, in his before picture, he was at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. Points in his favor, ya know? He was selected to make an appearance at the American Idol Experience, but he bailed because he was embarrassed by his size. I totally get that. I get the having to wedge myself in a ride vehicle where it actually hurts. I get the not going somewhere because I’m so self conscious of my size. It was nice to hear someone’s story that really parallels my own. It was like it finally hit home after months that I’m not the only one who feels like that.

Wow.

So, with that, I’m going to sign off for tonight. I have to be at the gym bright and early.

Thanks for all your support.

14!

Posted: January 15, 2013 in Bariatric surgery, Cooking, diabetes, Exercise, Physical activity, Walking, Weight loss
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OK… Day 14 is in the books. I arrived at 7 for the session with the boys and had surprisingly decent sugar. I had good sugar this morning when I woke up, so I opted for a banana and a protein shake for breakfast. I’m developing a taste for the vanilla cream shakes, which is good, since I’m going to be subsisting on these things for a few weeks. Anyway, my pre-workout sugar reading was 92, which was a little lower than I’m used to. I like to think it’s that the exercise is doing me some good. Post workout, I stuck a 70, which is at the low end of normal for me, but I wasn’t having shakes or sweats, so it’s all good.

Important thing is that I made it 14 straight days. That’s two weeks that I’ve stuck to something. I’m pretty damn pleased with myself, but I’m not giving up. Next stop? 21 days!

So, I also took time last night and made a batch of my special jambalaya (see the recipe section). I added extra protein in the form of shrimp and chicken. Also, the chicken chipotle sausage had a vein of jack cheese in it, which added to the depth of the finished product. It really reheated well, which made for a tasty lunch.

After cooking, I attacked the Christmas tree (yes, it was still up). I got the ornaments off, the lights off, and realized I still had enough time to take down the tree, put it away, and then I vacuumed the rug. It’s odd… we have an artificial tree that drops as many needles as a real tree. Go figure. Now, many of you are probably wondering why we still had a Christmas tree up. Don’t judge us.

I have an appointment with the dietician tomorrow afternoon. Hope we get some good news, and maybe we can get a surgery date. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t apprehensive. In a surprise move, I’m all over the map emotionally regarding the operation. I’m still going to do it, but I’m sure I’ll question my decision up until the time they shoot me up with Versed.

Hope you all have a great week!

8 going on 9

Posted: January 9, 2013 in Bariatric surgery, Disney, Goals, Physical activity, Stubby the Wonder Toe, Supportive Partner Woman, Walking, Weight loss
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Made it another day… was not an easy one, but I set a record for 2013 with over 47 minutes and 2.23 miles walked. I had to back off speed a bit, due to achy ankles, but I’m still proud of myself for getting that far. My average speed was 2.84 mph. The rest will come as the weight decreases.

I worry, though… I just feel that due to Stubby I can’t walk with the grace I used to walk. Surprised no one ever made a replacement toe bone. Maybe that could be my great contribution to science. Hmmm.

I’ve  been thinking long and hard, though, and I need to set a post-surgical goal. I realize that with my toe and other issues, I’ll never be physically able to run long distances, so a marathon is out.

I’m going to set my goal to participate in the 2014 Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend 5K.

There, I said it. I know it won’t be easy, especially for someone who would struggle to run the mile in high school (when I was in better shape), but I think it’s a reachable goal. Plus, I’ve gotten so much encouragement from the Disney fan community as I go through this process that I feel it’s a great way to pay it back and forward. To reward myself with a feeling of accomplishment and to pay back everyone who has supported me and encouraged me. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but they are my family as much as any blood relation. Logistics will be forthcoming, but I will keep you apprised and this will be the place to post the picture after I finish it.

twitterSo, yesterday was pretty cool, though. Not only did I find an error in a CNN.com story (yeah, not like they’re a reputable news source), I actually got to have a Twitter exchange with one of my favorite sportswriters. I just tweeted out that the CNN flunkie had gotten his name wrong (guess checking that fact would be a little too much effort) and sure enough, a reply. It was actually kind of cool. I’m not a huge Twitter fan, unlike SPW (lover of the hashtag!), but this might make me like it a little more.

At any rate, gotta go for day 9 in the morning. And I’m going to do it. Does that make me a probie gym rat?

Guess there are worse things.

Being scared

Posted: January 3, 2013 in Bariatric surgery
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I’ve started and stopped any number of posts over the past couple of years. I’ll get going on something and then I realize that it’s not quite what I hoped it would be.

So, into the trash bin.

As many of you know, I’m still waiting to hear as to when I might qualify for a surgery date. I keep hoping sooner rather than later, because now that I’ve made the decision, I’m ready. I also won’t deny that the prospect scares the hell out of me. Not only the surgery, but the possible results. What would I do if I don’t have the fat guy crutch to fall back on? What do I do if I actually start gaining (gasp!) self-confidence? What will I do if my clothes actually fit for a change?

Scary stuff.

Quality time with the family

Posted: December 16, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, Baseball, diabetes, family, music, Supportive Partner Woman, Weight loss
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So, since Supportive Partner Woman (Editor extraordinaire!) had to work tonight, I headed off to the hinterlands of South Jersey to join in a family Christmas tradition at my cousin Kurt’s home.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but Kurt is a bit of an expert on ballparks. He’s written a series of e-books called Ballpark E-Guides, in which he tells you the best way to get to the park, best way to score low-price tickets, even the best concession deals. He puts a lot of time into the books and they are meticulously researched. I know because I went to a Brewers – Nationals game with him at Nationals Park and barely saw him… he was so busy checking sight lines and chatting up ballpark employees.

Anyway, Kurt and his lovely wife and daughter opened their home to a large contingent of the family. I drove down, survived the traffic at King of Prussia and the cattle chutes on the Walt Whitman Bridge, and spent an enjoyable afternoon with my favorite branch of the family.

Far_Side ©Gary Larson

Well, it’s a family tree.

Sadly, we don’t see each other enough. Usually of late, it’s been at a funeral, and that’s gotta stop. We have so much fun… my cousins are intelligent and able to hold a conversation on multiple topics at the same time. For example, when I arrived, there was a big discussion going on regarding the best double albums ever recorded and whether or not they would be OK as a single album.

This is the kind of stuff we talk about at family gatherings. For the record, we figured that there’s no way Tommy or Quadrophenia could e trimmed, however, my cousin Doug feels that The Wall could be trimmed. There was not much agreement on that one.

They can be loud and boisterous, but better people are hard to find. A few weeks ago, when I was feeling pretty down in the dumps, my cousin sent me a lovely e-mail that brought tears to my ears, reassuring me that the family had my back. Not only that, he called my mom to make sure I was doing OK.

That’s what I love about this particular branch of the family tree. Not only do they care, they can laugh at the antics of some other branches of said tree. During our Giant Catholic Wedding Circus©, one of my cousins from Pittsburgh got exceedingly trashed and pretty much surgically attached herself to SPW’s arm, slurring all the way. This is always good for some chuckles at family gatherings.

Speaking of family, I finally told my mother that I intend to have the gastric bypass surgery. She took it a lot better than I expected. She said that she respects the fact I didn’t rush right into it and I took the time to talk to people who have had the operation with varying degrees of success. That was one of the major hurdles, because I fully expected a load of objections about the risks and all that. I told her that in my mind, the rewards outweigh the risks. Yes, it’s major abdominal surgery. Yes, it’s general anesthesia. Yes, there are risks. The chance to live a life free of the syringe makes all the risk worthwhile. It’s not going to be an easy journey, but after a year, I want to be patient of the month at support group, telling how I managed to make my decision and get off the fence and how it helped me lead a normal, non-diabetic life.

Plus, not looking like a whale in a chair is a great incentive.

Have a great rest of the weekend, folks!

Song of the Day: I Believe in Father Christmas – Greg Lake
Currently reading: A Blaze of Glory – Jeff Shaara

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. – Mother Teresa

Finally… some good news

Posted: December 12, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, Cooking, Doctors and Dentists and Nurses... oh my!, Exercise, family, Physical activity
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Greetings!

Today was a good day. Well, actually, it started yesterday (after work, of course). I had an appointment at the gym and had a good workout, which really brightened my mood. I came home and Supportive Partner Woman (Possessor of Much Pop Culture Knowledge) and I did some decorating of the Pop Culture Christmas tree. It’s your basic Christmas tree, with many sentimental ornaments, but also a wide variety of pop culture ornaments. There’s some Star Trek stuff, Superman, A Christmas Story, Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, Chick-fil-A, and one year, we even had the miniature embodiment of death on the tree (Don’t judge)

537628_10200178673256104_846522353_nOne of the other decorations set up was a present from SPW. It’s a miniature Chick-fil-A complete with a cow wearing the sandwich board. I know that many folks have come down hard on the restaurant due to its corporate policies seen by many as hateful, but the local franchise does quite a bit for charity. Last weekend, they had a matching program… for every sandwich they sold during a busy afternoon, the restaurant would donate an equivalent number of sandwiches to Water Street Ministries, an aid organization here in town.

Anyway, after doing some decorating, we headed off to grab some dinner. We would up at J.B. Dawson’s, a local chain, and I managed to put my usual restaurant habits to the wayside. I ordered a salad, no dressing, and only managed to eat about half of it. Took the rest for lunch today. It was still pretty yummy.

Anyway, I had an appointment with the dietitian this afternoon and I lost 10 pounds. And that included a Disney trip. Woot! I’ve said before that I felt the diet portion of the bariatric clinic was the weak link, but it was nice to see her be genuinely happy for me. She offered some suggestions for improving the nutrition value of the clam chowder that I plan to make in the next week or so, and we booked another appointment in a month. Assuming that goes according to plan, it will be time to schedule the operation.

People I’ve talked to at support group have described parts of the process as horrible, but I have yet to meet someone who regrets doing the procedure. The worst part that I’ve heard is the liquid diet for basically three weeks. That will be tough. Guess I might as well get used to protein powder.

Anyway, I’m going to wrap it up. Have to be at the gym at 7:00 and some shut-eye would probably help.

Well, I finally did it

Posted: November 21, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, Bullying, Futility, regrets, Stress, Weight loss
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Warning: This isn’t exactly an upbeat piece. There’s some profanity. If it bothers you, my apologies.

I sat in the Nerd Lair Monday night, opened the bottle of John Jameson and had a drink. This is not something I do often anymore. See, alcohol and insulin aren’t always the best of bedfellows.

It’s not that I’m a teetotaler. I have my share of nights I don’t remember. Granted, that was mostly back in college. Suffice it to say, I had a day Monday that was simply booze-worthy.

Not sure why it was so bad… just one of those days I felt like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touched turned to shit. So, I sat in the half-light, nursing a whiskey on the rocks and feeling sorry for myself. That’s the one thing I was excelling at yesterday. That and generally being very down.

Now, Supportive Partner Woman (Very supportive!) has been good at attending to my moodiness. She always asks what she can do to make me happy (or at least happier), but I never really seem to know what will boost my mood for the long-term. That’s pretty sad, when you stop and think about it.

I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore.

That’s not an indictment of SPW (Best friend I’ve ever had!)… not by any stretch. If there’s a better match for me out there, well, I’d need to see some serious proof before I was convinced. Maybe the issue is that I don’t seem to have any dreams any more. I just can’t conjure up enthusiasm for much of anything. What I do find myself enjoying winds up being a quick fix and it’s all too soon back to cold reality.

Maybe I just stopped trying to have fun because I figured I’d screw it up anyway. The awkward part of myself is like a bull in a china shop and the uptight side of myself tells the other side, “See? This is why we can’t have nice things!” It’s like I just broke the collectible Elvis plates that mama had stashed around the double wide.

The only thing I feel I’ve ever been marginally successful at is being fat. And yet I still manage to mess that up by not being jolly. Pretty sad when you can’t even be a proper fat guy.

I can’t help thinking that maybe what I need is some success. Something to just go right. A break. Maybe a day when my commute to work is not filled with red lights, tractor trailers, cement mixers, Amish buggies and the armada of complete dickholes who think that them getting to a stoplight 2 seconds before I do is important.  Maybe a day when my hips and ankles don’t hurt. Maybe a period of time when I can stop being so judgmental of everyone and everything. Maybe a day when I’m not angry and bitter about one thing or another.

I certainly wasn’t raised to be this way, but it’s been this way for a long time.

I’m not kidding about the long time part, either. The last time I can truly remember being generally happy would be third grade. See, when I went to the fourth grade, I changed schools. I was the new kid, I wasn’t popular. I was bigger than most of the other kids and I was bullied. Bullied for being new, for being awkward, because my family wasn’t in the right tax bracket.

Bullied for being different.

I wasn’t physically bullied very much… I was bigger (taller, too) than most of the other kids and I could hold my own. It was mostly mental… the taunting, the insults. The worst bullying really came from my sixth grade social studies/reading/spelling teacher. That was pretty much just a mind-fuck (excuse the language) by a vindictive bitch of a teacher who had about as much right to teach kids as a pedophile does to be a camp counselor. My crime? I made the mistake of arguing over the spelling of a word that was mistyped on the vocabulary sheet. According to the sheet, “Research” was spelled “Reasearch”. I pointed it out and for that I was branded as disruptive, my desk was moved to the corner and I spent most of the year being basically ostracized. Bad enough it happened with that particular teacher, but she passed the word to the other teachers that I was trouble and it took an awful lot to work out from under that shadow. I don’t know that I ever fully emerged. The really good news is that it’s my understanding that she went on to be a guidance counselor. How’s that for a kick in the teeth?

Where were my parents during all this? Well, they were old school. They believed that the teacher was always right. Apparently I was neither the first nor the last target for this particular teacher and once the parental units found out about that, they apologized for not listening to me.

I think I started dying a little on the inside at that point. I know I stopped trying in school, figuring if I didn’t always get great grades, maybe other kids would like me. That didn’t work too well… they just made fun of me for getting lower grades. I put on a big show of  “I don’t care”, but the truth is I did care, and it hurt. It hurt a lot. I tried that whole “sticks and stones” thing… yeah. That didn’t work so well. Because even a small trickle of water will eventually cut through a rock.

It came down to me trusting no one… not even myself. I never went to anyone about this. I just became adept at bullshit. Call it my coping mechanism. Well, fast forward 30+ years and my gift of bullshit is deserting me. Maybe it’s not deserting me, maybe I just realize I’m getting older and other than SPW and a few close friends, I don’t have anyone. I have plenty of acquaintances, but few friends.

I’ve been on the fence about the surgery for several months. I guess a large part of me was scared that even if I do get down to a normal weight, I’ll still hear the comments, the snide remarks about the rhino in the room. You know what? I’ve spent my whole life worrying about what other people might think. The people who don’t matter.

You know what I say?

Screw ’em. Screw ’em all.

I’m doing it because it offers the best chance for me to improve my physical health and my mental health. I’ve been cowed for 30+ years and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. Gotta move on.

All that being said, I made a lot of mistakes in my life. I don’t deny that. I caused hurt to people and I regret that most deeply. If I ever hurt you and didn’t apologize, well, I’m truly sorry. On the other hand, if you were an asshole to me and it never bothered you, I’m sorry for you. But if figuratively kicking someone who’s down made you feel that much better about yourself, well, I’m so glad I could help.

So, there you have it. I’m getting the operation. And it’s going to be a success.

God knows I need one.

I also want to point out that I have a lot to be thankful for and it’s not all gloom and doom. I have a good family, I’m not living on the streets and I have the best wife I could ever want. She’s my rock.

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