Archive for the ‘Weight loss’ Category

Vacation…

Posted: November 25, 2012 in Disney, Exercise, Stress, Walking, Weight loss
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all I ever wanted.

Vacation, had to get away…

So, Supportive Partner Woman and I are headed to Florida on Wednesday for our annual WDW Today Reunion trip. We’re really looking forward to it… Lord knows we need it. Between family stuff and SPW’s new job, she’s been under a lot of stress and I have, mainly because I stress when I see SPW is stressed.

It’s only been a couple of months since the last time we were in the World, but there will be a lot of new stuff. There’s been a massive expansion to Fantasyland that will officially open in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, we look forward to soft openings (previews). In addition, it’s a chance to see our friends that we only get to see once a year or so.

I’m really going to focus on eating better during this vacation. I usually strap the feed bag on at Ohana. This time, I’m going to cut down on the amount of meaty refills. I’m also going to try and avoid the grazing that I often fall prey to. Ideally, I would like to actually lose a few pounds while we’re down there. I am prepared for the possibility of blisters, though… I have two huge rolls of moleskin and a box of gauze pads. I also bought a three pack of Nike Dri-fit socks. Supposedly, these should help keep my feet dry and offer some serious support while we’re walking. The other thing that should help is that the temperatures are supposed to be in the low 70’s.

Other things that we are doing include the Candlelight Processional with Neil Patrick Harris as guest narrator. We are dining at Ohana (as mentioned before), Artist Point and a dinner at the new Be Our Guest restaurant in the expanded Fantasyland. Other meals are as we can grab. One of our other events is a special dinner called the Meal of Fortune that should be a lot of fun.

I hope to get a couple more posts in before we jet off to sunny Florida. I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and a peaceful Black Friday.

Well, I finally did it

Posted: November 21, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, Bullying, Futility, regrets, Stress, Weight loss
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Warning: This isn’t exactly an upbeat piece. There’s some profanity. If it bothers you, my apologies.

I sat in the Nerd Lair Monday night, opened the bottle of John Jameson and had a drink. This is not something I do often anymore. See, alcohol and insulin aren’t always the best of bedfellows.

It’s not that I’m a teetotaler. I have my share of nights I don’t remember. Granted, that was mostly back in college. Suffice it to say, I had a day Monday that was simply booze-worthy.

Not sure why it was so bad… just one of those days I felt like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touched turned to shit. So, I sat in the half-light, nursing a whiskey on the rocks and feeling sorry for myself. That’s the one thing I was excelling at yesterday. That and generally being very down.

Now, Supportive Partner Woman (Very supportive!) has been good at attending to my moodiness. She always asks what she can do to make me happy (or at least happier), but I never really seem to know what will boost my mood for the long-term. That’s pretty sad, when you stop and think about it.

I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore.

That’s not an indictment of SPW (Best friend I’ve ever had!)… not by any stretch. If there’s a better match for me out there, well, I’d need to see some serious proof before I was convinced. Maybe the issue is that I don’t seem to have any dreams any more. I just can’t conjure up enthusiasm for much of anything. What I do find myself enjoying winds up being a quick fix and it’s all too soon back to cold reality.

Maybe I just stopped trying to have fun because I figured I’d screw it up anyway. The awkward part of myself is like a bull in a china shop and the uptight side of myself tells the other side, “See? This is why we can’t have nice things!” It’s like I just broke the collectible Elvis plates that mama had stashed around the double wide.

The only thing I feel I’ve ever been marginally successful at is being fat. And yet I still manage to mess that up by not being jolly. Pretty sad when you can’t even be a proper fat guy.

I can’t help thinking that maybe what I need is some success. Something to just go right. A break. Maybe a day when my commute to work is not filled with red lights, tractor trailers, cement mixers, Amish buggies and the armada of complete dickholes who think that them getting to a stoplight 2 seconds before I do is important.  Maybe a day when my hips and ankles don’t hurt. Maybe a period of time when I can stop being so judgmental of everyone and everything. Maybe a day when I’m not angry and bitter about one thing or another.

I certainly wasn’t raised to be this way, but it’s been this way for a long time.

I’m not kidding about the long time part, either. The last time I can truly remember being generally happy would be third grade. See, when I went to the fourth grade, I changed schools. I was the new kid, I wasn’t popular. I was bigger than most of the other kids and I was bullied. Bullied for being new, for being awkward, because my family wasn’t in the right tax bracket.

Bullied for being different.

I wasn’t physically bullied very much… I was bigger (taller, too) than most of the other kids and I could hold my own. It was mostly mental… the taunting, the insults. The worst bullying really came from my sixth grade social studies/reading/spelling teacher. That was pretty much just a mind-fuck (excuse the language) by a vindictive bitch of a teacher who had about as much right to teach kids as a pedophile does to be a camp counselor. My crime? I made the mistake of arguing over the spelling of a word that was mistyped on the vocabulary sheet. According to the sheet, “Research” was spelled “Reasearch”. I pointed it out and for that I was branded as disruptive, my desk was moved to the corner and I spent most of the year being basically ostracized. Bad enough it happened with that particular teacher, but she passed the word to the other teachers that I was trouble and it took an awful lot to work out from under that shadow. I don’t know that I ever fully emerged. The really good news is that it’s my understanding that she went on to be a guidance counselor. How’s that for a kick in the teeth?

Where were my parents during all this? Well, they were old school. They believed that the teacher was always right. Apparently I was neither the first nor the last target for this particular teacher and once the parental units found out about that, they apologized for not listening to me.

I think I started dying a little on the inside at that point. I know I stopped trying in school, figuring if I didn’t always get great grades, maybe other kids would like me. That didn’t work too well… they just made fun of me for getting lower grades. I put on a big show of  “I don’t care”, but the truth is I did care, and it hurt. It hurt a lot. I tried that whole “sticks and stones” thing… yeah. That didn’t work so well. Because even a small trickle of water will eventually cut through a rock.

It came down to me trusting no one… not even myself. I never went to anyone about this. I just became adept at bullshit. Call it my coping mechanism. Well, fast forward 30+ years and my gift of bullshit is deserting me. Maybe it’s not deserting me, maybe I just realize I’m getting older and other than SPW and a few close friends, I don’t have anyone. I have plenty of acquaintances, but few friends.

I’ve been on the fence about the surgery for several months. I guess a large part of me was scared that even if I do get down to a normal weight, I’ll still hear the comments, the snide remarks about the rhino in the room. You know what? I’ve spent my whole life worrying about what other people might think. The people who don’t matter.

You know what I say?

Screw ’em. Screw ’em all.

I’m doing it because it offers the best chance for me to improve my physical health and my mental health. I’ve been cowed for 30+ years and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. Gotta move on.

All that being said, I made a lot of mistakes in my life. I don’t deny that. I caused hurt to people and I regret that most deeply. If I ever hurt you and didn’t apologize, well, I’m truly sorry. On the other hand, if you were an asshole to me and it never bothered you, I’m sorry for you. But if figuratively kicking someone who’s down made you feel that much better about yourself, well, I’m so glad I could help.

So, there you have it. I’m getting the operation. And it’s going to be a success.

God knows I need one.

I also want to point out that I have a lot to be thankful for and it’s not all gloom and doom. I have a good family, I’m not living on the streets and I have the best wife I could ever want. She’s my rock.

Thoughts…

Posted: November 12, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, Weight loss
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So, as many of you know, I’ve been in a bariatric surgery program since May. Thus far, the program has consisted of workouts, consultations with a psychologist and dietitian, and regular visits with my primary care provider. I’ve attended support group sessions, information sessions and classroom sessions. I’ve researched the various surgical options available to me. I’ve weighed the risks and rewards, I’ve waffled, I’ve gone from one camp to the other.

In short, I’m really not any closer to a decision than I was.

It boils down to one thing… do the risks frighten me enough to overcome the desire to have my diabetes go into remission?

The short answer? I don’t know.

On one hand, 70-80% of the gastric bypass surgeries result in complete remission. As in no more meds. No more injections. No more having to carry around a load of vials and enough needles to make a hardened junkie jealous. The other hand? Bowel obstructions, leaky staple sites, infections, problems with urination, basically any of the same risks with any abdominal surgery.

As you can see, this is not an easy decision to make. I read of the complications, but the people I know who have had a successful surgery all swear by it.

Either way I decide, the earliest we would be doing it would be in January. In the meantime, I’ll keep up with the workouts and keep weighing the risks/rewards.

It’s my life, after all.

Back to your regularly scheduled posts

Posted: November 8, 2012 in Cooking, gay marriage, rants, Weight loss
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I’ve taken some time off to rant about politics. I know, it’s something I normally eschew, but the level of animosity in the campaign motivated me to just let ‘er rip. If my opinions offended anyone, well, I’m sorry that you feel that way. My opinions, however, are mine alone and I will sometimes express them.

One thing that I did not cover was the concept of marriage equality. I was not ignoring a topic that many feel so passionately about… I had posted a rant specifically on that topic here. As such, I didn’t feel the need to bring it up. However, kudos to Maine and Maryland for approving the ballot measures to legalize gay marriage. Two small steps, I know, but they add up.

Yesterday’s route.

So, getting back to regular topics, I’m pleased to announce that I got out and walked yesterday. Took my lunch break and lapped the parking lot at work. It felt good… especially since it was a long day with very little sleep. Just getting the fresh (cold) air really helped rejuvenate and refocus. It’s not the most scenic of routes, but you work with what you have. It was needed.

There’s other things going on that have really added stress to my life and have made the wheels wobble, if not totally fall off. I’ve been doing a lot of unauthorized snacking. Retreating back to the comforts of food. It sucks because I put so much time into getting better and I’m at risk of ballooning right back up. I could make all sorts of excuses, but I don’t have any. I’m still going to the gym twice a week, which needs to increase. I’m going tomorrow to the regular gym… just not sure if it will be before or after work.

I’ve also been kind of lazy on the cooking front. I’m bound and determined to make the jambalaya this weekend, or at the very least, some chili. Something that’s got everything I need nutrition-wise, and is easy to prepare after a long day at the office. I could even try to make chicken or turkey chili. Never tried those before. I usually opt for lean ground beef.

My other project will be to finish putting things back together in the Nerd Lair. I know, I’ve been saying that for a week. To date, though, I’ve only gotten the DVDs done. There’s still around 700 CDs that need done. I’ll get there. Keep moving forward.

So, my goals are stated… get back on track and get back to the gym. A tall order, but you can only screw around so much. I’m done with that.

Song of the Day: Once in a Lifetime – University of Wisconsin MadHatters

Currently Reading: The Dark Side of Disney – Leonard Kinsey

Upcoming cooking endeavours

Posted: November 5, 2012 in Cooking, Supportive Partner Woman, Weight loss
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I’ve posted a lot about cooking over the span of time I’ve worked on this blog. I’ve shared some of my recipes, I’ve shared some dishes that I really liked. I was thinking that a post about some stuff I’m planning on trying to make might be a good idea. Ideally, I would make a vlog of it… I still might.

I hope mine will look this good.

The big one I want to tackle is jambalaya. I’ve liked Cajun cooking for some time… especially since we have a well-regarded Cajun restaurant within shouting distance of us. I like alligator and blackened catfish and the unique spice blends in that style of cooking. Ironically, I never tried to make jambalaya. That will change. I’d like to make it with shrimp and chicken, since alligator is a little hard to come by around here. I’d also like to find where I can get the best andouille sausage.

It’s also time to make some of my halfway famous clam chowder and beer chili. Dishes like these go well in the colder months… it’s hard to appreciate a good, thick soup when it’s 90 degrees outside.

Cookies!

I also need to do some baking. My coworkers usually appreciate when I do a batch of chocolate chip cookies. I tend to make mine on the soft side and they get very puffy. I work with a Nestle Toll House recipe that I tweaked… use 2 1/2 cups of flour and instead of butter, I use Imperial margarine. The butter does add a slightly richer taste, but I like the way the margarine helps the dough rise. The extra flour stiffens the cookies enough that they don’t get limp. I also make sure I whisk the dry ingredients together and add slowly to the wet. That’s mainly due to the fact I don’t like to clean up the flour spillage afterward.

The other key ingredient is the chocolate chips themselves. I only use semi-sweet chips. I find the milk chocolate chips to be too sweet and the white ones just look freaky. As for brand, you can’t go wrong with Nestle and I’ve also had success with Trader Joe’s brand and Wegman’s brand chips. Not a huge fan of the Hershey branded chips and using M&Ms is like using milk chocolate chips.

Supportive Partner Woman (Excellent baker!) also likes to make her granny’s cut out cookies. These are really thin, very crispy and very omnomnom. There’s something like 8 cups of flour in them, it’s carb central, but damn. I like that they are not too overtly sweet, but just crazy good. SPW (Crafter of yummy soups!) has also announced plans for a batch of her cream of chicken orzo soup. Yay!

So, yes, autumn usually brings a cooking frenzy to the Nerd Lair kitchens. Pictures will accompany these delectable noms, and maybe some video on how we make them. It would certainly be something different. Granted, they say the camera adds 10 pounds. Better get my tubby ass to the gym more often. I know these might not be the healthiest things ever (cookies? seriously?) but the jambalaya can be made healthier by substituting turkey sausage and brown rice, as well as no salt broth. I make the clam chowder with fat-free half and half as well. As for the chili, well, the beef gets drained of excess fat before it even gets added to the chili. I suppose I could use a bottle of light beer, but, naaah. Recipe calls for beer, not swill.

Most recipes can be adapted to be healthier without giving away a huge amount of taste. Remember… spices are your friends.

 

Another Friday, another post

Posted: November 2, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, Exercise, Gratuitously Naked Guy, Physical activity, Weight loss
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So, I made it back for a regular gym session this afternoon. It was good. Very good. I also made my long-awaited return to the treadmill. I didn’t kill it… I’m way out of practice. I managed 2.8 mph for 18 minutes. Not bad, seeing as I haven’t been on it since the last time Stubby misbehaved. I hope to add to the time and speed in the coming days. I have another vacation to get ready for.

I said it was good. It was, especially after the day I had. I got handed a job that should’ve taken a few minutes to complete. On the surface. Turns out, nothing but problems. I got it done after the time I was supposed to leave and had to bust ass to get to my appointment on time. About the only thing I didn’t encounter to slow me up was an Amish buggy. I hit red lights, pretentious asshats in Beamers, the proverbial driverless Cadillac, and the slow elevator. After that, I was bound and determined to have a good workout.

Sugar was up a little. Who am I kidding? It’s been up. Today was due to stress. Four hours after lunch, it was 164. When I was done, I stuck a 103. I’m good with that. In addition to the treadmill, I did the arc trainer and elliptical. I also did strength, which really isn’t a problem. I always feel good after lifting.

Rather than go right home, I elected to stick around for support group. Apparently, Dr. McPhee is making crab cakes. I love crab cakes, and if they are prepared in a healthy manner, it’s one cake I can still enjoy. I’ll be interested to see the recipe… Always like to get hold of decent recipes. If the cakes are good,I’llqbe sure to pass it along to you.

The group session room is really nice. They have video screens, and a spacious demo kitchen. The meetings usually include a talk by a dietitian or exercise guru, followed by a cooking demo and a chance to talk to others in my predicament. The first one I attended, I had to cut short, as I was due back at work. This time, I took the time to listen and really learned a lot from listening to the various people. Some of what I picked up? Morphine can make you nauseous. The minty protein shakes are pretty tasty and can be gotten cheaper at the doctor’s office than buying online. Oh, and if you play your cards right, you might get the phone number of a hot nurse with a twin sister. Not that I’d need to know that, though. Right, honey?

Honey? (crickets chirping)

I’m sure she just stepped out for a minute. I hope.

One of the highlights of the session is toward the beginning of the meeting. They ring up a success story. Someone shares what their journey has been like, showing before and after pictures and sharing why they started down the road. It’s actually pretty inspiring. They also unveiled the Wall of Fame, where folks who are 1 year post op have their before and after photos posted. Amazing stuff.

So, anyway… it’s Friday now and I’ve got a full day of work ahead of me and very little time to sleep. I’m also scheduled to work Saturday. My wallet likes those Saturdays, but my mind usually doesn’t. I did manage to get the sump pump cover resealed, the dehumidifier running and some stuff put away. I’ll do more tonight. After all, it’s like weight loss… doesn’t happen overnight. I also think that I’ll try to get to the rec after work… Gratuitously Naked Guy be damned.

Song of the Day: Mexico – Jimmy Buffett

Currently Reading: The Panther – Nelson DeMille

Thursday musings…

Posted: November 1, 2012 in Exercise, Foot issues, Gratuitously Naked Guy, Supportive Partner Woman, Weight loss
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It’s Thursday. Or Thor’s Day if you prefer.

I survived Halloween and Supportive Partner Woman (Enlightened!)’s birthday. I mainly did this by sitting in the basement and watching disaster miniseries on Netflix. The quantity of recognizable names that wind up in these epics is staggering. The one I was watching last night, Category 7, was like a Who’s who of B-listers, has-beens and never will bes. You had Gina Gershon (as the director of FEMA… seriously), James Brolin, Robert Wagner, Tom Skerritt (basically channeling his character from Top Gun), Shannen Doherty, and Randy Quaid. The cheese factor alone is epic.

SPW and I have a bunch of work to do to get the Nerd Lair back into full commission. I started by reconnecting all the AV equipment. Luckily everything works, and I didn’t need to rebalance the speakers. Tonight’s project will be to reseal the sump pump hole and start the dehumidifier again. SPW has returned the LPs to their storage spot, and we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing until it’s all back where it belongs.

This would seem to be what Gratuitously Naked Guy is looking for…

The food challenges continue. Working an opposite shift from SPW is a challenge. I’m taking my first step tonight. I have an exercise session in the afternoon rather than the morning and that will should keep me from overdoing it at dinner. Since Wayne is healed up, I should be able to go back to the rec and get serious again. I should just go every day after work and get it over with. As to why I haven’t? I’m think I am a little afraid that Gratuitously Naked Guy will want to strike up a conversation with his junk dangling uncomfortably close to my face as I’m tying my shoes.

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. Just need to recommit to the path I was on. It’s way too easy to go off track without the support being so close at hand.

Song of the Day: Fire and Rain – James Taylor

Currently Reading: The Panther – Nelson DeMille

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.  – Mark Twain

 

Busy weekend…

Posted: October 21, 2012 in Bariatric surgery, Doctors and Dentists and Nurses... oh my!, Supportive Partner Woman, Weight loss
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So, as I sit here typing away on a Sunday morning, I thought I might take a few minutes and reflect up on the weekend. Supportive Partner Woman (newly promoted!) travelled to State College for a Daily Collegian reunion in honor of the publication’s 125th anniversary. Sadly, whilst she was out making merry, I had to stay home and actually go to work yesterday.

Harumph!

I always like “harumph” as is brings to mind a scene from a favorite movie:

The good news, though, came from my doctor’s visit. See, Friday was the 6th and final program visit. It’s good and bad, because while I still don’t like going to the doctor’s office, I’ll miss my monthly visits and support sessions with Rachel Ho, my favorite East Coast health care professional and second-favorite overall. Anyway, I managed to drop the five pounds I gained AND two more pounds to boot. Guess the no snacking at the vending area AT ALL is a good thing.

The big news, though, concerns Supportive Partner Woman (finally being recognized for her mad editing skillz!). Seems that her current employers have recognized her general awesomeness and decided to name her sports editor. She’s the first woman to hold that post in the history of the paper and one of only 6% nationwide. She’s got a lot of big ideas, but if anyone can get them implemented, it would be SPW. Also, I might add that I don’t feel threatened as a dude because my wife knows more about sports than I do. It’s cool in that I have someone to go to a game with who can discuss the game knowledgeably and enjoy the on field action. After all, we had to make sure that there was a television in the bar at our wedding reception showing the Penn State – Ohio State game.

So, moving on, I have a big decision to make regarding my surgical options. The only decision I’ve made so far is to not have any operation until the new year. With the holidays and upcoming vacation, it would be too difficult to deal with the recovery and liquid diet phases. I’ll keep you all posted,

Hope that you all have a great day and I’ll be back soon!

What’s coming…

Posted: October 12, 2012 in Cooking, Exercise, Lego, Supportive Partner Woman, Walking, Weight loss
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So, I ended the last post saying that I would keep moving forward. Here’s what’s happening.

I got to day work next week. I’ve been working evenings since the beginning of May, and there’s some upside there. Namely getting to see more of Supportive Partner Woman (Sportschick extraordinaire!) and not having to worry about appointment scheduling. The downside is that you miss out on a lot of stuff in the evening and it also really messes with my natural circadian rhythm.

I’m also looking forward to the change in that it gives me more opportunity to cook fish. I love fish, but my co-workers aren’t exactly enthralled when you heat it up in the microwave. Even a plank roasted salmon that primarily smells like wood smoke brings out the great wailing and gnashing of teeth. The challenge, though, will be to not succumb to boredom eating. I’ll either need a second job or some kind of hobby to keep me busy. Sadly, the hobby can’t just be building Legos. That gets to be somewhat expensive.

B-Wing

Speaking of Lego, my most recent project was the B-Wing starfighter from the Star Wars Ultimate Collectors Series. I love the UCS sets… they are usually a more challenging build with lots of pieces and the attention to detail is astounding. They also come with a handy display stand and aren’t plagued with tons of stickers like other lower-end sets. This marks my third UCS set, and while not as challenging as the Imperial shuttle, it still took me a few days to get it together.

One of my main projects will be to adapt to meal planning. All too often, I’m throwing something together with what I have on hand, rather than having what I would really like to have. This will hopefully eliminate the discovery of four year old shrimp in the freezer.

I also have to adjust my workout schedule. My two sanctioned workouts this week are going to be at 7 AM, followed by full shifts. We will see how that winds up going. If it doesn’t fly too well, I can always go after work. I can also walk the neighborhood after work as the temperatures have cooled considerably. It was tough to do in mid afternoon when temperatures and humidity hovered around “boiling”.

All I can promise is that I’ll be making changes. Whether they work remains to be seen. Hopefully it will get the scale moving in the right direction.

Have a great weekend!

Is a complete and utter hate-on for an inanimate object healthy?

Posted: October 11, 2012 in Futility, Supportive Partner Woman, The Beetus, Weight loss
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Or is it a sign of me starting to crack up?

I say this because I had another appointment with the dietitian today only to find that I gained five pounds. I hate the scale like nothing else. I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. I want to beat every scale I see with a large sledgehammer. I feel that the scale exists to completely destroy any sense of accomplishment I may have.

I know… there are all sorts of theories why one scale weighs differently. and maybe that’s part of the problem. I don’t think that a five pound swing is likely.

I think the problem is plain and simple.

Stress.

It hasn’t been a good food week. I know that. Supportive Partner Woman (Liker of Mexican food!) and I have been eating out at a rapid clip, which is not good. There’s been so much going on that it’s hard to know which end is up, and sometimes, the best option is to grab something on the run. So, we wind up eating lunch out. I’m still eating my breakfasts at home and I take dinner with me, but according to the dietitian, I’m eating out too much. Couple with the reduced activity thanks to Wayne, well, I’m not getting as much exercise as I should. It all adds up… it’s not just because we’ve been to Chipotle multiple times in the course of a week.

See, the only part that doesn’t show results are the weigh-ins. I’ve been able to steadily increase the weights and workouts and my clothes fit better. In fact, I’m wearing a pair of jeans I haven’t been able to wear since the winter before last and they are actually a little baggy.  I can’t believe that the bariatric center didn’t take measurements when I started. I’d really like to know how many inches I’ve lost.

The other stressor for the week is thanks to my wonderful employer. It’s annual enrollment time again and that’s never any fun. Not only because of the hoops they make you jump through, but because every year they find yet another way to nickel and dime you. This year’s big surprise is not only are my premiums going up 12%, they are cutting the amount they pay by 5%. That’s really a 17% increase. And because it’s not complete without one more thing, they are also doubling the deductible. Basically, it seems that if you have a chronic condition, like the Beetus, you should just save everyone the trouble and off yourself before your next doctor’s visit. Couple that with the federal legislation that limits FSAs to $2,500 a year, well, it’s a complete shit sandwich.

As my late father would always say, “I don’t mind getting screwed, but at least kiss me first.”

I hope the next post will be free of the negativity… it’s just so frustrating to put in the time and the sweat and see that you gained five pounds. Makes me want to go and eat. A lot.

I’m not going to, though.

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