Archive for the ‘Gratuitously Naked Guy’ Category

Today I made the elliptical machine my bitch.

Or was it the other way around?

Jury is still out on that, but I can say that it felt good to do something other than pound the treadmill. While my legs are STILL a little rubbery some 6 hours later, my ankles and feet feel fine.

This week and next week are really booked up at the clinic’s fitness center, so I’m only getting one session each week. I just need to make up the time at the Rec. There are worse fates. I might try to get some weekday swimming in… although the probability of a Gratuitously Naked Guy sighting is much higher during the week. But, dear readers, I’m willing to risk it.

Now, I know I’ve posted about my inspirations for losing some weight and getting healthier, but there’s one that I keep overlooking. So, I’d like to give a shoutout to my friend Matt. I know Matt through the Disney community… he was a fellow Magic Meets volunteer and, like me, was a big guy. Not as big as me, but a bigger guy nonetheless. I hadn’t seen Matt since the last Magic Meets, but would spot him on Facebook from time to time. Then there was one post that blew my mind. Matt was running in last year’s Disney World Half-Marathon.


Not only that, but he was deep into martial arts and just really seemed serious about getting healthy and making the lifestyle changes. That was in the back of my mind as I progressed through my program. There’s someone who was doing it. Someone I knew.

I knew that I could do it, too.

The road is long and anything but smooth. I’m getting there, following the footsteps of someone whose success and determination has really been an inspiration. Thanks, Matt, and keep up the awesome work.

From here on in, I’m going to make an effort to recognize those folks who have inspired me to keep going. Who knows, I might even have nice things to say about my jerk co-worker who really got the ball rolling.

I wouldn’t hold my breath, though.

Tomorrow will be more of the same… gym, work, and maybe playing with power tools. We’ll see what the weather is like after work.

Song of the Day: Kashmir – Led Zeppelin
Currently Reading: The King’s Deception – Steve Berry

P.S. I think the elliptical won… word of the day? Ouch.

So I made it to the pool yesterday. The pool is actually part of the Rec, just a part I usually don’t go in, mainly because I kind of forgot where it is (don’t judge me).

I showered, got my suit on and went hunting, primarily by feeling the humidity level and smelling the chlorine increase. I made a wrong turn in the locker room and found the hot tub. There was also a Gratuitously Naked Guy sighting. A regular slice of life at the Rec.

As it was Sunday, they had half of the pool sectioned off for family swim. This left two lanes for lap swimming, one of which was occupied by a kid getting swim team coaching and the other occupied by two wizened women. I figured my best choice was to stay on the family side next to the lane rope and get my work in. Everything went well, until I was on my second lap, when I realized that granny had stationed herself about 20 feet from the wall, next to the rope, and was just standing there. I kept swimming, figuring she would see me coming and be courteous. Guess I thought wrong. Granny watched me swim toward her and didn’t move, forcing me to swim around her.

I kid you not.

After swimming around 300 yards, albeit slowly, I toweled off and headed back to the locker room. I was tired, but I still felt pretty good. I decided to hit the treadmill and did 20 minutes on there. Turned out to be a pretty good workout.

After that, I showered up and headed to the ghetto for the viewing. We weren’t there all that long, just enough to pay our respects. Afterward, I dropped off my mom and I headed home, hitting a torrential downpour that was mercifully brief. I stopped and picked up supplies to add a baked good table to the Dreaded Yard Sale. I got extra flour, sugar, chocolate chips and eggs… hope this adds to the bottom line and allows us to increase our contribution to Team AllEars and the Avon Walk.

That about does it for the day. I plan on mixing dough tonight and getting ready for Bake-a-Palooza. I really hope the sale does well… maybe my cookies will gain new fans.

I can hope.

Song of the Day: Avenida Revolucion – Chickenfoot

So, I made it back for a regular gym session this afternoon. It was good. Very good. I also made my long-awaited return to the treadmill. I didn’t kill it… I’m way out of practice. I managed 2.8 mph for 18 minutes. Not bad, seeing as I haven’t been on it since the last time Stubby misbehaved. I hope to add to the time and speed in the coming days. I have another vacation to get ready for.

I said it was good. It was, especially after the day I had. I got handed a job that should’ve taken a few minutes to complete. On the surface. Turns out, nothing but problems. I got it done after the time I was supposed to leave and had to bust ass to get to my appointment on time. About the only thing I didn’t encounter to slow me up was an Amish buggy. I hit red lights, pretentious asshats in Beamers, the proverbial driverless Cadillac, and the slow elevator. After that, I was bound and determined to have a good workout.

Sugar was up a little. Who am I kidding? It’s been up. Today was due to stress. Four hours after lunch, it was 164. When I was done, I stuck a 103. I’m good with that. In addition to the treadmill, I did the arc trainer and elliptical. I also did strength, which really isn’t a problem. I always feel good after lifting.

Rather than go right home, I elected to stick around for support group. Apparently, Dr. McPhee is making crab cakes. I love crab cakes, and if they are prepared in a healthy manner, it’s one cake I can still enjoy. I’ll be interested to see the recipe… Always like to get hold of decent recipes. If the cakes are good,I’llqbe sure to pass it along to you.

The group session room is really nice. They have video screens, and a spacious demo kitchen. The meetings usually include a talk by a dietitian or exercise guru, followed by a cooking demo and a chance to talk to others in my predicament. The first one I attended, I had to cut short, as I was due back at work. This time, I took the time to listen and really learned a lot from listening to the various people. Some of what I picked up? Morphine can make you nauseous. The minty protein shakes are pretty tasty and can be gotten cheaper at the doctor’s office than buying online. Oh, and if you play your cards right, you might get the phone number of a hot nurse with a twin sister. Not that I’d need to know that, though. Right, honey?

Honey? (crickets chirping)

I’m sure she just stepped out for a minute. I hope.

One of the highlights of the session is toward the beginning of the meeting. They ring up a success story. Someone shares what their journey has been like, showing before and after pictures and sharing why they started down the road. It’s actually pretty inspiring. They also unveiled the Wall of Fame, where folks who are 1 year post op have their before and after photos posted. Amazing stuff.

So, anyway… it’s Friday now and I’ve got a full day of work ahead of me and very little time to sleep. I’m also scheduled to work Saturday. My wallet likes those Saturdays, but my mind usually doesn’t. I did manage to get the sump pump cover resealed, the dehumidifier running and some stuff put away. I’ll do more tonight. After all, it’s like weight loss… doesn’t happen overnight. I also think that I’ll try to get to the rec after work… Gratuitously Naked Guy be damned.

Song of the Day: Mexico – Jimmy Buffett

Currently Reading: The Panther – Nelson DeMille

It’s Thursday. Or Thor’s Day if you prefer.

I survived Halloween and Supportive Partner Woman (Enlightened!)’s birthday. I mainly did this by sitting in the basement and watching disaster miniseries on Netflix. The quantity of recognizable names that wind up in these epics is staggering. The one I was watching last night, Category 7, was like a Who’s who of B-listers, has-beens and never will bes. You had Gina Gershon (as the director of FEMA… seriously), James Brolin, Robert Wagner, Tom Skerritt (basically channeling his character from Top Gun), Shannen Doherty, and Randy Quaid. The cheese factor alone is epic.

SPW and I have a bunch of work to do to get the Nerd Lair back into full commission. I started by reconnecting all the AV equipment. Luckily everything works, and I didn’t need to rebalance the speakers. Tonight’s project will be to reseal the sump pump hole and start the dehumidifier again. SPW has returned the LPs to their storage spot, and we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing until it’s all back where it belongs.

This would seem to be what Gratuitously Naked Guy is looking for…

The food challenges continue. Working an opposite shift from SPW is a challenge. I’m taking my first step tonight. I have an exercise session in the afternoon rather than the morning and that will should keep me from overdoing it at dinner. Since Wayne is healed up, I should be able to go back to the rec and get serious again. I should just go every day after work and get it over with. As to why I haven’t? I’m think I am a little afraid that Gratuitously Naked Guy will want to strike up a conversation with his junk dangling uncomfortably close to my face as I’m tying my shoes.

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. Just need to recommit to the path I was on. It’s way too easy to go off track without the support being so close at hand.

Song of the Day: Fire and Rain – James Taylor

Currently Reading: The Panther – Nelson DeMille

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.  – Mark Twain


I went to the gym this morning (and no, I didn’t skip an exercise appointment to work out) and was totally killing it on the elliptical. See, Ryan had told me to not lift on consecutive days and since I’ll be lifting tomorrow, well I made today a cardio day.

Gym was pretty sparsely populated today, so no problems getting my favorite elliptical. It’s the one at the end of the row. I choose that one so the maximum amount people working out next to me is one. Not that I’m antisocial, I just find having people on either side of me messes up my pace. It’s all those years as a band geek.

Anyway, after killing it on the elliptical, I did some time on the bike. It’s hard to get used to, though. I can never seem to get the height of the seat exactly right. That and the muscle groups are subtly different. I don’t have nearly as much endurance on the bike. I’ll get there. Anyway, I went back to the locker room to use the facilities, wash up, and wait for Supportive Partner Woman to be done. That’s when I encountered Gratuitously Naked Guy. Gratuitously Naked Guy (in search of a colony!) is this old guy who likes to parade around the locker room buckass nekked, y’all. It’s the moon, sun and stars in all their wrinkly glory. He likes to hold conversations. Naked conversations. With other guys. With his foot up on the bench. No towel within 50 feet. Just a guy (who looks like The Joker) wandering about the locker room waving his junk all over Hell and creation. I’ve never spoken to him before.

That all changed today.

As I was washing my hands, Gratuitously Naked Guy sauntered over and started the following conversation:

GNG: Say, nice weather out there.
Me: Uh, yes. Yes it is (concentrating on studiously drying my hands)
GNG: (no lie) Come here often?
Me: a few times a week
GNG (who is not exactly what you would call svelte): Good to see overweight people such as yourself here working hard.
Me: Er, thanks?

That’s the truth.

Gratuitously Naked Guy then wandered off on search of another victim. You might be wondering why I actually spoke to the guy. Other than it would be rude to ignore him? Well, I always figure that you should be nice to the crazy naked people. Here’s the funny thing, though… as many times as I’ve seen him touring the locker room, I’VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN HIM WORK OUT. In all fairness, I probably wouldn’t recognize him fully clothed. And for the record, he looks a lot like a bloodhound.

So, to anyone out there considering taking up the hobby of trolling the locker room at the gym sans apparel, here’s some advice…

Don’t be that guy.

Song of the Day: Escape – Journey
Currently Reading: Steve Jobs – Walter Isaacson