I'm Brian, and what you see here is usually the product of my warped sense of geekiness. I started the blog to chronicle my struggle against being overweight but I've branched out into social commentary as well as the trials and tribulations of bariatric surgery. When I'm not being snarky on here, I like baseball, music, and travel, as well as keeping up with technology. Oh, and I also have a wee bit of a Lego problem.
There comes a time when we have to make tough choices. Big ones that you know will affect your entire life. I’m in the process of considering one right now. As many readers know, I’ve struggled with my weight for quite some time. Every time I take it off, it comes back. It might be a short time or a long time, but every time that the weight returns, it adds a little more. Couple that with diabetes and the constant nagging joint pain, sleep apnea and the sobering fact that two-thirds of people with my issues don’t live to see their 65th birthday, well I’m considering gastric bypass surgery.
This of course has not sit well with my mother, who thinks I’m foolish for even considering it. She has no comprehension of what I go through with my obesity and diabetes, and when I try to explain it, she’s not hearing what I’m saying. The pain and discomfort of walking (something I always enjoyed), the need for four injections a day, not to mention all the associated problems. She’s never been fat a day in her life, and most people don’t understand that going through life as a fatty is no fun.
I realize that it will require a major sacrifice on my part, changing the way I live for the rest of my life, but if it keeps me around a little longer, well, that’s worth it. Plus, it has the strange side effect of pretty much getting rid of Type 2 diabetes. If the lifestyle change means that I won’t have to continue to treat myself like a human pincushion, well, I’m all in favor.
The appointment for a consultation with the bariatric surgeon and his team is on Monday morning. I’ll let you know what comes of it.
A rare evening post… there’s not a lot going on up here in The Jerz, so I thought I’d do something productive. Mainly, try to write an entry that’s somewhat coherent.
You’re probably wondering what the deal is with the title of today’s post. See, I’ve recently started watching Scrubs. I find that while it’s stupid sometimes, there’s a lot of truth there. Well, on today’s viewing, Season 3, Episode 19 “My Choosiest Choice of All” introduced me to a song I’d never heard before. It’s called Section 9 (Light & Day/Reach for the Sun) and it’s performed by a group called The Polyphonic Spree. I immediately shot over to iTunes and downloaded it and have been listening to it nonstop.
The lyrics are not terribly deep, showing here:
Light
And day
Is more than you’ll say
Cause all
My Feelings
Are more
Than I can let by
Or not
It’s more than you’ve got
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
You don’t see me fly into the red – one more you’re done
Just follow the seasons and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don’t see me fly into the red – one more you’re nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Like I said, not terribly deep, but it makes sense, and it applies to what I’m trying to accomplish with my life. Trying to get past all the medical issues that have plagued me in 2010, trying to be more positive about life in general. Trying not to regret the myriad mistakes I’ve made over the years. All the times I took the easy way out and resented people who got ahead and bettered themselves. It’s so easy to sit on the ivory tower and pass judgement on everyone else’s life while totally ignoring your own shortcomings. It’s also easy to forget that everything you do has consequences. I figured out long ago I could work my butt off and get good grades, or I could do as little as possible and make Bs and Cs. I took the easy way out and as a result, I never really learned how to study. When I got to college, it was more of the same. Add on to that the fact I was way too immature for college and it was a recipe for disaster. That could be the reason it took me 10 years to get through. The smartest thing I ever did was to take a few years off and get my head screwed on straighter.
I don’t want to chronicle all of my errors of life, but if you ignore mistakes you’ve made in your life, you’re setting yourself up for a repeat. As George Santayana said,
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
It’s a true sentiment. If I believed it years ago, who knows what would’ve happened? Maybe my wife and I would’ve taken better notice of each other twelve years prior to our first date when I sold her a camera. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to deal with getting a good hunk of my toe amputated if I had worried about my eating habits years before. Life is full of what-ifs, but it’s recognizing what got you to those moments that’s important.
The lesson to take away is that while we should never lose sight of where we are headed on our personal journey, we should always remember where we’ve been. Recognize the landmarks and maybe you’ll realize that you’re getting lost again before you get in too deep. Learn from the mistakes… we all make them. No one gets life exactly right on the first try. If it seems that the Almighty is dumping on you, it’s not personal. You’re just lost. Swallow that pride and ask for directions. Remember, life isn’t equipped with a GPS.
Going to leave you with the video for the aforementioned song. Hope you enjoy.
This time I write with some good news. When I started the weight loss, I weighed in at a tick over 330 pounds. This morning, I weighed 280.0. That means that the first fifty pounds is down. Still have 30 pounds to go to get myself ready for the Segway tour, but I’m a lot closer than I’ve been in a lot of years.
This goes to show what a steady balanced diet can do for you. I’ve lost weight with no exercise at all, other than the periodic visit to the bathroom and up to bed. I’m really encouraged that it is coming off and I think it should get easier with exercise.
I think I’m really missing the freedom of walking. Walking has been my preferred exercise since I started this. I like being able to put on some tunes and get some fresh air. I’ve never been a runner (when people ask if I run, I say “Only if chased.”), but walking is pretty much my speed. I’m hoping that I will be able to walk regularly again. I’m hopeful, since I won’t be losing my entire toe. I’ve read some blogs from people who’ve lost an entire big toe and it’s no picnic.
If I can’t walk like I used to, I at least have a good memory of the last walk I took before landing in the hospital. The Management and I joined our friend Margot and her mom for the Alzheimer’s Memory Walk at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia on November 14. The way I sweated during the walk probably shows that I wasn’t in the best of health, but it was still a great day for a great cause.
Kathleen, Margot, yours truly, The Management
Perhaps the neatest part of the walk was being at the ballpark while it was empty. I’m used to being there with 40,000 people and to see all the empty stands was very different.
So, I’m going to continue with the diet and see how it goes. Thanks again for your support. This is not an easy fight, but knowing that family and friends are willing to support you helps a lot. In a way, weight and diabetes are a lot a like. Both take a lot of effort to manage and keep under control, but both can be controlled.
I am typing this from the “comforts” of my own living room, where I’ve been recovering from the Magical Mystery Toe. This is not quite as good as it sounds. See, I have to keep the foot propped up and my ass is crazy numb from too much sitting. I’ve been home a week and a half, and not done much. I’ll be two weeks post surgery tomorrow with no complications.
Today is a sad day, though. Today we were supposed to be flying to Orlando to spend a week with many of our friends for Reunion. My toe situation kind of put the kibosh on that trip. We were both looking forward to this trip… there was a lot of good stuff planned, including a dessert party and private time at the Osborne Spectacle of Lights. Alas, my need for I.V. antibiotics made travel problematic at best. Also, I’m really not ready to do Disney in an ECV.
There’s a good side to the problem, and that is just how great everyone was to deal with. When we realized it wasn’t going to work, my first call was to Disney Vacation Club (our timeshare). When I talked to the lady there and explained my situation (hospitalization, surgery, etc.) she managed to get things fixed that our points went back to our regular account and not into a holding account. This is great news and it gives us the flexibility to reschedule at our convenience (when the Toe of Wonders is healed up). After that, I called the airline. I have had issues with airlines in the past, so I was expecting to lose the money. With great trepidation, I called AirTran’s customer service line. I was connected to Frances and I related my story. Frances cancelled our flight without a cancellation fee and now we have the entire airfare as a credit in our account with them. AirTran could not have been more helpful and they were a pleasure to deal with. I will be sad when they are taken over by Southwest.
The other major stumbling block would conceivably be Micky’s Very Merry Christmas Party, a special hard ticket event at the Magic Kingdom. I called Disney about these tickets when I returned home and they were able to refund our money for the tickets. All told, we’re out about $5 in PayPal fees. Not too bad when you consider how bad it could have been.
So, moving right along, I’m making progress getting my blood glucose under control. The doctors put me on insulin, which kind of sucks, but it has not caused the suicidal feelings that Byetta caused. Speaking of Byetta, it seems that it is made from the saliva of the Gila monster. Apparently, it works for some people. Not me, though. So, I have to stick myself four times a day. It’s doing wonders, though. The downside is having a couple of bouts of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). The shakes and cold sweats are not a good thing, but once that curve is mastered and the blood sugars even out, it will be worth it. No one is saying anything in particular, but in the future, I might be able to control things with one injection a day, or maybe by diet alone.
Speaking of diets, mine is going well. I’ve gotten to about 1,800 calories a day and even though I can’t exercise, I’ve still lost 11 pounds since the day I was admitted to the hospital. This puts my total weight loss since I started the blog at 46.8 pounds. Just to think I almost lost 50 pounds in six months. This really makes me happy. When I get to 250, I’m treating myself to something I’ve always wanted to do… take a Segway tour at Disney World.
Perhaps that is a little strong. See, I’m stuck in Lancaster General Hospital due to the attack of the Amazing Technicolor Toe. Many faithful readers can recall the epic tale of Lord GOMF, the Earl of Bunion. That particular blister was thought vanquished. Well turns out he’s back and seriously pissed off.
See, a couple of weeks ago I got a blister. Fairly innocuous, so I lanced it and slathered it with bacitracin. The usual treatment for a blister that I’ve employed countless times before. This time, well, there was a sinister interloper…. streptococci. I didn’t know this, but apparently you can get strep toe. I’m living proof.
I continued treating myself and the toe just didn’t get any better. A couple of days ago, I noticed it was becoming colorful and getting a tad swollen. Before I knew it, it was roughly the size of Donald Trump’s ego and I was running a 102.2 fever. That’s pretty steep for anyone, but since I normally run a 96.8, it scared me. I took some Advil and the fever subsided, but I knew I needed some help. Before I did that, though, I had the Alzheimer’s Memory Walk on Sunday. Three miles at Citizen’s Bank Park. I finished that with no major issues.
So Monday, I got the Management to take me to Urgent Care who sent me to the ER. At the ER, the Magical Mystery Toe was unveiled and promptly became a must-see stop. They admitted me and started the IV antibiotics. I’m pretty sure that by this point they’ve pumped me so full of antibiotics that you could drop me into a giant Petrie dish full of anthrax and I’d be ok.
So, after x rays, MRI, ultrasound and God knows what else, I’m on the cusp of my first general anesthesia. This has me freaked out like nobody’s business. I’m so skittish right now I’m like a hyperkinetic poodle on crystal meth. I’m hoping I’ll be able to continue the post when I’m out of surgery and the Amazing Technicolor Toe is less… colorful.
Thanks for all the support and well wishes. I’m going to be ok. I hope. It might curtail my participation in the next International Mr. Sexy Legs competition, but then again, the people who saw the last one might say that might not be a bad thing.
Sorry I kind of lost the magic. I’ve been meaning to write something particularly insightful and witty, alas, those skills have seemingly deserted me. Sigh.
Just a quick note, however… I’ve been backsliding terribly and while I primarily do this for me, I’m sure I’ve let others down. This week I’m going to try to get back on the horse. We shall see how it goes.
One more quick point, it’s hard to remain positive about something like weight loss when you dread your everyday circumstances. I have been having a hard time dealing with what’s on my psychological plate here of late (job issues, separation, etc.) and as a result, I’ve been feeling incredibly apathetic and despondent. Not to worry… I will work myself out of it, but just make sure that you treasure your friends and family. Life is too short for the petty crap that consumes our lives. I used to think it was OK to be a loner. I found myself to be good company. Now? Not really. So, if you’ve been out of touch with a friend or family, reach out. Even a short email or text saying, “What’s new” can do wonders. If you’ve had a spat with a family member, get over it. If you don’t and one day that brother, sister, mom, dad, etc. is gone, you’re going to regret it. If your brother broke your favorite toy when you were 8, deal with it. There are far more tragic things happening in the world.
Let’s face it… all you really have are your family and friends. All those possessions you profess to love aren’t going to love you back. So, tell your spouse you love him/her; when next you call your mom, tell her you love her. If you’re talking to your friend, tell him/her you love them. No shame in showing your feelings. You’re not going to be less of a manly man for telling your mom you love her, or even your dad. It’s okay to love someone in a non-romantic way. When next you see an old friend, greet them with a hug. Even the man hug is acceptable.
Anyways, I’m signing off for now. Hope it won’t be so long before the next entry.
Hope everyone is staying cool on this warm Sunday. We had a good time here at Chez T last evening. I made one of management’s favorite dinners, zucchini parmigiana, and a friend of ours joined us for dinner, drinks and game time. The zucchini turned out pretty good. I served it with angel hair pasta and red sauce. We accompanied it with a nice salad, garlic bread and a Riesling that I had raved about last week. We went in search of said wine only to find it on clearance at the state store. We wound up buying four bottles and I couldn’t help thinking it fitting that I finally find a wine I actually like and it’s being discontinued in PA. Sigh. After dinner, there was Scrabble. I was outplayed by the management’s English degree and our friend’s journalism degree. Outplayed was a bit generous. I was smoked like a trout. I’ll get my revenge one of these days. Break out the Trivial Pursuit.
As I write this, the management and I are preparing for our second ever cruise. We had a lovely experience the last time, onboard the Disney Wonder, where we stopped in Nassau and at Disney’s private island, Castaway Cay.
This time, we’re going on Royal Caribbean’s Grandeur of the Seas for visits to Key West and Cozumel. We are taking a non-traditional trip, though, as we are taking the Auto Train to Florida. I look forward to talking about our experiences on the train and on the ship in further posts. I think this cruise will prove to be interesting, since both the management and I are striving to lose weight. Maybe a post called Brian vs. the Midnight Buffet? We shall see.
I’ve got to try to steer this blog back toward weight loss. Today, I’m going with walking music. As a former band geek, I still tend to walk in step with whatever music I am listening to. This can work well for walking, if you pick the right music. For as much as you might like an 80’s hair metal power ballad, they have a slow beat that’s not particularly good for walking. By the same token, a high energy dance mix might have to scurrying at a pace you can’t keep up forever. I often will post that “Joe Satriani kicked my ass on my walk today.” (If you want a strenuous pace that you can keep up with, I recommend “Summer Song”) I suggest that if you like to walk to music, make a playlist that has the type of music that you can keep up with, but challenges you. You can easily update your list as your personal pace changes. If you find yourself flagging on a walk, you can focus on the beat and get your feet moving in time with the music.
First of all, allow me to apologize for not posting anything new for a few days. There’s been a lot going on around here that’s required some attention and, well, I didn’t want to give you a substandard post. Let’s review the past few days, shall we?
Thursday was a beautiful day. Hardly a cloud in the sky, slightly warm, very sunny. We got an early start and went to Schell’s. Schell’s is a local tradition in Berks County, PA. Founded in 1952, Schell’s offers fast food type items (burgers, dogs, fried chicken, and the best hamburger BBQ on the planet). (author’s note: don’t call it a sloppy joe. This is what all sloppy joes aspire to be. This stuff is the Cristal of hamburger BBQ. It is the food of the gods. If this stuff would’ve been around in the 1930’s and 40’s, we could have airdropped it into Berlin and WWII would have never happened. It is that good. To call Schell’s BBQ a sloppy joe would be like referring to the Great Wall of China as a fence. And now, back to your regularly scheduled ramblings.) In addition, they have an ice cream building and 27 holes of mini golf. Laura and I took a friend of ours along who had never had the pleasure of hitting the ball over the lake, and the deal was that the loser had to buy the ice cream.
Everyone stayed under 100 on the course. I actually did well, shooting a 76 on a par 72. Laura had to forfeit, though, as her dodgy hip started to act up. So, she wound up buying the ice cream. As for lunch, our friend, who practices a vegetarian lifestyle, raved about the freshness of the salad and the wonders that are fried cheddar cheese cubes. Ahh, breaded, deep-fried bliss.
Later Thursday night, there was alcohol involved. We had to go out and celebrate Laura’s last night as Lancaster Newspapers’ sports agate wench. Most of the sports staff turned out and a good time was had by all.
Yesterday brought a haircut and the delayed trip to the Jerz. We went up through Kutztown, Allentown and Easton, crossed into Phillipsburg (seemed to be a happening place) and went on to Morris County. There was a place which had rooms to rent that we were looking at. We pulled up outside and well, it was scary. I could just picture this place as the location for a horror movie. We turned the car around and fled. Quickly.
Started checking out several hotels and we think we found one that will work in the short term until we can check out some rooms. I also got to see where Laura will be working. It’s an impressive structure. Must be a lot of printing going on there. One of the highlight was that I got to have White Castle for the first time. It’s pretty tasty, but I’ll still take Chick-Fil-A first.
Getting on with it, let’s look at the meat of the day’s post. The topic is doing what’s right. Now, before anyone jumps in and says, “How do you know what’s right?” let me say that I’m not talking what is morally or legally right, but what is right for each and every one of us in regards to the choices we make throughout our lives. We all make wrong decisions at least once or twice or hundreds of times, and how we react to the right and wrong decisions we make is what defines us as individuals. So many variables can be factored into the decision-making process. Opinions of friends, peer pressure (it still exists in adulthood), financial, etc. can all be a part of the process. I will say this, though. If you have a dream, don’t ever give it up. It might take months or years, but it’s worth holding on to. I’m going to include a video clip from one of the more inspiring movies I’ve ever seen. This is from Rudy, starring Sean Astin and Charles S. Dutton.
Basically, the point I’m trying to make is that whatever you do, don’t just do it because someone else thinks it’s the best choice of action for you. Value their opinion, but temper it with other opinions. We’ve all told our parents at one point or another, “But _______ is doing it!” Our parents would invariably reply, “And if _______ jumped off a cliff, would you do that, too?” I’m not saying don’t jump off a cliff, I’m saying go ahead and jump off that cliff… if it’s the right choice for you to make. Getting married to the stripper at your cousin Bubba’s bachelor party is a choice, but you might want to think about that one after you’ve sobered up because it might not be the best choice for you. Being able to make mistakes is perhaps one of the few freedoms still left to us. Don’t squander that freedom.
Tomorrow I’m going to take a look at cruising. Until then, enjoy the weekend!
Today I’m going to talk about something that really pisses me off. The exploitation of fat, or, as I’m calling it, fatsploitation. Mainly we’re talking about television shows like the Biggest Loser, or Celebrity Fit Club. Or, as a friend of mine currently in the UK has posted about, Big Meets Bigger. Check out her blog entry here.
It’s not that the shows are that bad. Lord knows I would watch Celebrity Fit Club (CFC) every week, although it was mainly to see train wrecks like Dustin Diamond (Screech) or Jeff Conway have complete meltdowns, rather than to hear about weight loss. That being said, I think CFC’s panel was much more about losing the weight and keeping it off than the Biggest Loser team. Harvey Walden, the former drill instructor, was tough and had very little tolerance for bulls**t, and Dr. Ian Smith’s diet plan actually did me some good when I tried it. I got the impression that it was less about the total loss and more about positive lifestyle changes.
Moving on to The Biggest Loser, well, where do we start? The weight loss numbers are astounding, but at what cost? After reading some of the statements by people who have come forward, well, I wouldn’t want to be a part of that. It seems like many of them dehydrate to shed weight and other questionable tactics. I understand that it’s entertainment first, but still, we are talking about people’s health.
So, the mini golf outing has been postponed due to the chance of rain which never materialized yesterday. Rain date is tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Today is bringing a trip up in the Jerz. As many of you may have heard, Mrs. T. has been offered and has accepted a position at the Bergen Record in north Jersey. It’s a place in the big kid sandbox and while we are not looking forward to a relocation, it’s a great step for her career. Have no fear, though, this blogger will be staying in PA for a while yet. There are many loose ends to tie up, ranging from my employment to selling a house. After spending the last three years sweating blood to get this place livable, I’ll get to start all over again. I won’t lie and say I’m not disappointed. I am. But we all make sacrifices for the greater good.
It’s not been a good food week overall. I feel myself backsliding a little bit. I’m lacking some of my motivation. I need to reaffirm my commitment to my goals and find my mojo again. I’ve stayed away from takeout and high sodium foods, but I haven’t been walking and that’s a bad thing. Lord GOMF, the Earl of Bunion has been complaint-free, but the air has been super-chewy. I don’t care for mall walking, either. Those tile floors are worse than concrete. I don’t know how women can shop all days wearing heels. But that could just be me.
Anyway, it’s a new day and I’m going to make it work. Thanks for making me accountable.
Didn’t get a chance to do an entry yesterday. I really didn’t have anything to say, so why say anything? We went off to Reading for a family picnic. It was nice to see everyone and not at a funeral for a change, which seemed to be the pattern for a while.
Had to take two cars, as the missus had to work last night. There were plenty of good eats, but I didn’t have a crazy-bad food day. Yes, there were soft pretzels from the Philly Soft Pretzel Factory and they were very good. The highlight for me was actually having some mustard. My hate relationship with mustard goes back years and I guess my palate has changed, because I was putting it on the pretzel and loving it.
This was with the spicy horseradish mustard, too. When I had a hot dog later, I tried the spicy brown mustard and found I liked that as well. It’s always nice to discover a food you didn’t like is something you like now. I always hated broccoli as a kid, now it’s my favorite vegetable. There was a time I didn’t like pizza. Seriously. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true.
Other eats at the picnic included the main enemy (Muenster cheese), a nice fresh fruit tray (with kickass kiwi and pineapple), plus the standard picnic fare. I managed to have only three cubes of the enemy, one hot dog (with spicy brown mustard!), and stuck to drinking water and one can of diet Sierra Mist. As I said, not an abysmal food day by any stretch.
There was no watching of the World Cup finals, however. We were watching Formula One, then the World Cup was overruled in favor of watching the Phillies-Reds offensive suckfest. After watching Formula One, I can say that those guys have to be the best drivers on the planet, hands down. I think that I would love to attend an F-One race at some point as it returns to the US.
Having that much selection of stuff I like is a great test for our upcoming cruise vacation, or as I like to call it, “Can Brian withstand the temptation of the midnight buffet?” It’s going to be a challenge, I think, one that I can hopefully withstand.
Also in the food department, we had a lovely dinner with our friend on Saturday night. Our friend brought a very nice Carl Reh Riesling, whose website trumpets that they ARE the Riesling experts. I tend to agree. I’m not a wine drinker or connoisseur by any stretch, but I was perfectly willing to down this one. It was a perfect complement to the pasta ponzo and balsamic grilled asparagus that I made for the main event. Post dinner, there was angel food cake with fresh strawberries and good conversation lasting well into the morning.
Today will bring work around the house and a walk. Tomorrow morning, we are planning a friendly mini-golf round with a friend. Loser has to buy the ice cream, so maybe I should practice a little?
Hope you all have a great week and I’ll see you back here tomorrow.
Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy 