I'm Brian, and what you see here is usually the product of my warped sense of geekiness. I started the blog to chronicle my struggle against being overweight but I've branched out into social commentary as well as the trials and tribulations of bariatric surgery. When I'm not being snarky on here, I like baseball, music, and travel, as well as keeping up with technology. Oh, and I also have a wee bit of a Lego problem.
Today’s post is about stress. Pretty straightforward thing, stress. Apply too much to anything and it will break. Stress affects different people differently. Some people thrive on it. Some grit their teeth and handle it. Some have a breakdown. Others cope in different ways. For me, I stress eat.
See, I’ve never been really good at letting go of things. Just ask The Management. She notices how little things can just linger. Take for example, Volleyball Corner. Volleyball Corner is a small store on Lincoln Highway. It’s located near Lancaster Mennonite School, and well, it drives me nuts because IT’S NOT ON A FREAKIN’ CORNER!!!!! It’s in the middle of a *^#%&^ building!!! The only corner would be the actual corners inside the store itself. Compare this to Angelo’s Soccer Corner, which is located on the corner of the building. Is there any real reason this should bother me? No. It’s stupid to let this get under my skin, but for some reason I can’t seem to let it go.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
We’ve all heard that famous Friedrich Nietzsche quote. I disagree. Stress is cumulative. Take a piece of thin metal. Keep bending it back and forth. It won’t break the first or second time you bend it, but continued bending will break the metal, sure as shooting. You can argue that people aren’t metal, but I’m willing to bet that continued stress puts wear and tear on your body that it’s not always equipped to handle.
This is one reason I’m really looking forward to my appointment with the psychologist on the bariatric team. I’m hoping to get some insight on what I can do about my little stressors. Maybe I’ll eventually learn to deal with my irrational fear of clowns.
At the very least, I hope to learn some ways to avoid keeping it all bottled up. It’s not healthy and I know it’s a big contributor to being obese and diabetic.
Have a great holiday weekend… The Management and I will be joining some of the Disney peeps tomorrow for a picnic. Will be nice to see everyone.
Happy Wednesday to all the fine reader (sic) out there!
It’s a typical day here. Managed to get some exercise… I edged the lawn, trimmed the Lilac Bush from Hell, sprayed the lawn and even managed to cook up some dinner. That’s something I’ve been lacking on. It’s not that I mind cooking… I actually rather enjoy it. I’ve just been lazy. Maybe lazy isn’t the correct word. Probably better to say unmotivated. That’s always a problem when my weight increases. I get less motivated to do things that I normally enjoy, then I get more despondent about the stuff that’s not getting done, making me go running for the food… It’s like the character Fat Bastard says in Austin Powers, “… I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat.” There’s a lot of truth found in jest.
Last night I managed to cull the freezers. It’s amazing what you can find in the dark frozen recesses of the freezer. We are guilty of forgetting what we have in there, buying more of whatever it is, then using that first and so on until you find a chicken breast that was dated sometime in 2004, which means it was three years old WHEN WE MOVED IT! That’s a little extreme, but when I found it, it was so freezer burned that it looked like a mummy. I wound up ditching a lot of stuff that was three+ years old ranging from soup to chicken to fish portions. There was fresh pasta that was freezer burned, frozen juice with more ice in it than a margarita.
Now you’re probably asking yourselves why. Why doesn’t he cook? Why doesn’t he keep better track of what’s in the freezer? That’s a pretty good question. As you know, it’s The Management and myself in Chez Brian. Both of us are decent cooks, we just tend to eat out. Anyone can tell you how bad that is for your health and weight. We reason it away… for The Management she likes to go out with some of her friends to catch up on the latest. For me, I guess I’m embarrassed that there are only two seats in our break area that I can fit into.
Getting to the title of today’s post, upon leaving Pimlico on Saturday, Baltimore police were routing traffic into a not-so-nice area of Baltimore
(which many of you who have been there know is pretty much anywhere between the Beltway and the Inner Harbor). This, compounded with GPS confusion, took us past a staggering array of establishments advertising fried chicken and lake trout. In one notable instance, the chicken and trout place was also selling beauty supplies. Sadly, I don’t have a picture of that sign, but I do have a great picture of another sign.
So, back to the original point. I’m going to do my best to bring my meals from home. If I go through with the surgery, I’m going to have to revamp my eating habits, so might as well get ahead of it now.
I’ll leave you with something else from Fat Bastard.
Of course I’m not happy! Look at me, I’m a big fat slob.
So I went to the Preakness this last Saturday, and no, I was not in the “beer”-soaked infield. I use the quotation marks because, let’s face it, most of what is sold as beer by Anheuser-Busch is nothing but horse piss. Yes, let’s pay a crazy sum of money for an aluminum bottle of stuff that anyone with a halfway refined palate will tell you tastes remarkably like turpentine. More on this in another post.
See, The Management’s family has been going to Preakness since the legendary battle between Affirmed and Alydar. They started in the infield, then moved to the apron and have had seats on the rail for around 30 years. They are some great seats… right at the starting gate for some of the races, and a spot that allows you to see the Preakness field pass by twice. We’re usually close enough to see whoever NBC trots out to cover things these days, and we’re pretty much right across the track from where they saddle the field.
I’ve been going along on the grand adventure since 2003. We missed a year due to a wedding, but that’s usually where you can find us on the third Saturday in May. I call it a grand adventure because it has really become a tradition for us. We usually take Friday off and head to my sister-in-law’s place in South Jersey for preface feasting. This usually entails most of the folks going racing hanging out, eating a lovely meal, and figuring out new and creative ways to smuggle booze in through the “watchful” eyes of Pimlico security. It’s funny, actually, a bunch of 40+ year olds acting like high school kids trying to smuggle some hooch on a class trip. Not that I ever did anything like that.
The setup is legendary. After 9/11, Pimlico banned coolers in the stands. Everything must be in clear bags or containers. My sister-in-law found two portable drawer units that have clear drawers and can be disassembled for easy transport. This is the basis for The Preakness Buffet. She loads it with vast quantities of yummy stuff and it provides sustenance for the entire day. And beyond.
I’m happy to report that it was a good day for me food-wise. I didn’t overdo it on snacks, had a sandwich, a pickle spear, some cheese and grapes and two red Twizzlers. Add a couple of sips of a Black-Eyed Susan (the official drink of the Preakness) and it was good.
The racing is pretty good. This year there were 13 official races and one bonus race sponsored by Emirates Airlines featuring only Arabian horses. We’ve seen some bad racing and some tragic racing (we were there for Barbaro) but this year the main event really lived up to its billing. Bodemeister looked great as they hit the stretch, but I’ll Have Another wasn’t going to be denied. I have a short video clip that I put together to share with you, my loyal readers.
This brings me to one of the highlights of the day. People watching. This is a great place to see sartorial disasters, abject stupidity, and everything in between. First of all, though… the rant. When did people get to be so rude? I was in the grandstand taking an air conditioning break and as I walked through the building, I stopped to allow someone to cross in front of me. Behind me, some douche canoe says, “Get your fat ass out of my way.” It was kind of ironic, seeing as the person saying this wasn’t exactly what you would call svelte. Sigh.
Some of the fashion disasters I came across included a guy wearing madras pants and saddle shoes (no kidding… saddle shoes). There were overage bimbos wearing dresses so tight that if said dress was not occupied by said bimbo, said aforementioned dress would contract to the approximate size of a postage stamp. Here’s one of my favorites:
Sartorial splendor
Rest assured that the good outweighs the bad. I will be back with you in a couple of days, probably a bit more on topic.
Before anyone asks, General Malaise is not the Supreme Allied Commander in Europe. General Malaise is a condition that The Management and I suffer from. Part of it is depression-related, part of it is simply just feeling crappy. General Malaise shows up when you have a pile of stuff to do and you wind up sitting and staring at the stuff to be done without actually doing any of it.
The time has come to fight General Malaise. He is a bad bad man (or woman) and he is evil.
I’m not saying that you should never have a lazy day where you just need to chill. Far from it. It’s that you can’t let the lazy days rule your life. If everyone felt that way, we’d never get anything done. We’d be sitting back, waiting for it to happen.
It’s OK to have down days. Not everyone can be happy 100% of the time, unless they are using some seriously good drugs. Even the happiest people I come in contact with have bad days from time to time. The key is to keep them in balance.
On the weight loss front, I’ve managed to enter all the upcoming appointments into the ball and chain (or the iPrecious). I find that while I’m looking forward to seeing the dietician and the exercise guys, I’m really looking forward to seeing the psychologist. I’ve been thinking for some time that it might do me some good to talk to a professional and maybe figure out why I have this compulsion for Cheetos and other carb-y goodness. I realize that one session won’t totally unravel 41 years of bad behavior, but maybe it can point me in the right direction.
Won’t be writing much this weekend. We’ll be taking our place along the rail for the Preakness on Saturday. Maybe I will do some wardrobe commentary because this is a great place to watch people.
This morning was the long (well, a couple of weeks, anyway) awaited appointment with a bariatric physician. I was very nervous going into the appointment. After the consultation, I’ve enhanced my calm.
I had no idea that the process was as involved as it is. They first weighed me on something that looked like a highway scale. I was worried that a semi would be pulling in soon. After that, we were taken to the surgeon’s office for the consultation. Dr. McPhee is a former naval surgeon who has done two Middle Eastern tours. I was impressed with his candor during the consultation. He wasn’t one of these, “Let me carve you up like a piece of meat” surgeons. He was very blunt that they won’t do any surgery on people who don’t make the full commitment to the program, and they won’t rush me into making a decision. Here’s a little intro on Dr. McPhee:
After meeting with him, The Management and I were introduced to Nichole, who will be my case manager. She was very friendly, open and supportive. She revealed to us that she had the surgery four years ago and it has worked for her. I asked if she would do it again, and she said she would, with no hesitation. She explained how the program will work, who I will be seeing, and also what my commitments need to be. I will be getting a psych evaluation, in addition to meeting with a nutritionist and exercise physiologists. They require group sessions in addition to making at least one visit to a support group.
Next step for me is some baseline blood work, followed by an appointment with my primary physician. I will be seeing her every month to monitor my weight. They will also more closely monitor my diabeetus (as Wilford Brimley calls it) (for amusing videos, check out this post.
All in all, I’m really psyched by this. I think this might just be the kick in the butt I need to make a far-reaching life change. I know I can’t continue to walk (waddle) around as Captain Fatass… the self-loathing really takes a lot of energy that could be put to better use. Even if I wind up not opting for surgery, I will still learn lessons on how to eat right and how to exercise. Might make our next visit to the Land of the Mouse into more fun and less World Showcase Death March.
There comes a time when we have to make tough choices. Big ones that you know will affect your entire life. I’m in the process of considering one right now. As many readers know, I’ve struggled with my weight for quite some time. Every time I take it off, it comes back. It might be a short time or a long time, but every time that the weight returns, it adds a little more. Couple that with diabetes and the constant nagging joint pain, sleep apnea and the sobering fact that two-thirds of people with my issues don’t live to see their 65th birthday, well I’m considering gastric bypass surgery.
This of course has not sit well with my mother, who thinks I’m foolish for even considering it. She has no comprehension of what I go through with my obesity and diabetes, and when I try to explain it, she’s not hearing what I’m saying. The pain and discomfort of walking (something I always enjoyed), the need for four injections a day, not to mention all the associated problems. She’s never been fat a day in her life, and most people don’t understand that going through life as a fatty is no fun.
I realize that it will require a major sacrifice on my part, changing the way I live for the rest of my life, but if it keeps me around a little longer, well, that’s worth it. Plus, it has the strange side effect of pretty much getting rid of Type 2 diabetes. If the lifestyle change means that I won’t have to continue to treat myself like a human pincushion, well, I’m all in favor.
The appointment for a consultation with the bariatric surgeon and his team is on Monday morning. I’ll let you know what comes of it.
A rare evening post… there’s not a lot going on up here in The Jerz, so I thought I’d do something productive. Mainly, try to write an entry that’s somewhat coherent.
You’re probably wondering what the deal is with the title of today’s post. See, I’ve recently started watching Scrubs. I find that while it’s stupid sometimes, there’s a lot of truth there. Well, on today’s viewing, Season 3, Episode 19 “My Choosiest Choice of All” introduced me to a song I’d never heard before. It’s called Section 9 (Light & Day/Reach for the Sun) and it’s performed by a group called The Polyphonic Spree. I immediately shot over to iTunes and downloaded it and have been listening to it nonstop.
The lyrics are not terribly deep, showing here:
Light
And day
Is more than you’ll say
Cause all
My Feelings
Are more
Than I can let by
Or not
It’s more than you’ve got
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
You don’t see me fly into the red – one more you’re done
Just follow the seasons and find the time
Reach for the bright side
You don’t see me fly into the red – one more you’re nuts
Just follow the day
Follow the day and reach for the SUN!
Like I said, not terribly deep, but it makes sense, and it applies to what I’m trying to accomplish with my life. Trying to get past all the medical issues that have plagued me in 2010, trying to be more positive about life in general. Trying not to regret the myriad mistakes I’ve made over the years. All the times I took the easy way out and resented people who got ahead and bettered themselves. It’s so easy to sit on the ivory tower and pass judgement on everyone else’s life while totally ignoring your own shortcomings. It’s also easy to forget that everything you do has consequences. I figured out long ago I could work my butt off and get good grades, or I could do as little as possible and make Bs and Cs. I took the easy way out and as a result, I never really learned how to study. When I got to college, it was more of the same. Add on to that the fact I was way too immature for college and it was a recipe for disaster. That could be the reason it took me 10 years to get through. The smartest thing I ever did was to take a few years off and get my head screwed on straighter.
I don’t want to chronicle all of my errors of life, but if you ignore mistakes you’ve made in your life, you’re setting yourself up for a repeat. As George Santayana said,
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
It’s a true sentiment. If I believed it years ago, who knows what would’ve happened? Maybe my wife and I would’ve taken better notice of each other twelve years prior to our first date when I sold her a camera. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to deal with getting a good hunk of my toe amputated if I had worried about my eating habits years before. Life is full of what-ifs, but it’s recognizing what got you to those moments that’s important.
The lesson to take away is that while we should never lose sight of where we are headed on our personal journey, we should always remember where we’ve been. Recognize the landmarks and maybe you’ll realize that you’re getting lost again before you get in too deep. Learn from the mistakes… we all make them. No one gets life exactly right on the first try. If it seems that the Almighty is dumping on you, it’s not personal. You’re just lost. Swallow that pride and ask for directions. Remember, life isn’t equipped with a GPS.
Going to leave you with the video for the aforementioned song. Hope you enjoy.
First of all, on behalf of the staff here at MOASTBFFG (well, me) I’d like to wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2011. I trust that we all had a safe fun celebration. Well, most of us, anyway.
See, Stubby and I were stuck in the Chair of Doom. I’m kind of ashamed to say that I didn’t even stay awake long enough to see them trot out Dick Clark. I feel bad for Dick… like maybe he should just be allowed to retire gracefully, but then again, maybe this is what keeps him going.
Anyways, I’m pleased to report that the sutures were taken out of Stubby on Tuesday and he looks considerably less, well, freakish. The doctors and visiting nurses have all commented on how well the healing is going. I’m encouraged. This has me thinking that I may be released from care next Tuesday when I see the two doctors. I’ll still have to take it easy for a while, but I should be able to drive and go back to work and maybe stop walking on my heel.
One thing that you take for granted when you are mobile is how much stuff can hurt with months of enforced inactivity. My toe is feeling great, but from having to sit around with my foot elevated all the time, my hip has been killing me, as well as my back. I’m not Mr. Exercise, but I am normally doing stuff.
Another good sign on the road to recovery is that I’m able to do the steps a little more. For me, that meant I got to return to the Man Cave and play Xbox last night. The Management got me a copy of Halo: Reach for Christmas and it’s been awesome thus far. The graphics and game play are worthy of the Halo name.
That being said, I’m going to let you go. My New Year’s resolution is to continue on my path and hopefully reach my weight loss goals. I’m in the 275 pound range right now. Would love to be 270 by the end of January. I’ll keep you posted.
Thanks for reading. I’ll leave you with one of the funnier things I’ve seen in recent months.
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.
Crunchy numbers
A helper monkey made this abstract painting, inspired by your stats.
A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,500 times in 2010. That’s about 4 full 747s.
In 2010, there were 30 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 23 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 22mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.
The busiest day of the year was June 29th with 73 views. The most popular post that day was *sigh* I hate Mondays….
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, actuallylet.livejournal.com, Google Reader, linkedin.com, and radiopopularonline.blogspot.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for superliner roomette, breast cancer avon, ruins, former fat guy, and hammer wound.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
Yes, I survived my second operation on my toe. This one was the big one… Dr. Flood “resected” part of my right “great” toe. In layman’s terms, he cut off the tip of my big toe to remove the infected bone. I don’t know why they call it the “great” toe… my take on that is if the toe was so great, it wouldn’t have landed me in the hospital.
This is going to take some getting used to. The doctor seems to think that my gait should not be adversely impacted, but it’s got to be different from what I was used to. It’s strange to look at… seeing your big toe shorter than your second toe. I can’t say what the surgical site itself looks like, as it won’t be unwrapped until tomorrow, but there’s a lot of tape and whatnot stuck on my foot. As part of the healing process, I need to keep my foot elevated and walk on my right heel. They are supposed to take the stitches out on the Tuesday after Christmas… then I should be able to do a little more.
All hail Stubby!
Next up on the medical front is the possible removal of my PICC line from my left arm. This will make me very happy in that I might be able to wash my left arm for the first time in a month. It will also mean that I might be able to sleep on my left side. That would make life much nicer.
I’m also learning a lot about diabetes management. This is not an easy thing to do. he diabetes staff at LGH recommend that my ideal blood glucose reading be between 70-130. I’m proud to say that my 14 day average is 101. As a pleasant side effect, the hair on my legs is starting to grow back. I might be a better challenger in the International Mr. Sexy Legs competition with some leg fur. Of course, when searching the web for diabetes information, I’ve come across some real gems, most of which feature legendary Quaker Oats and Liberty Medical pitchman Wilford Brimley. I’m going to share some of these gems with you:
It seems that old Wilford has a bit of internet celebrity. Whoda thunk?
One other thing about the forced confinement is the sheer amount of bad acting on daytime television. It can be summed up in two words. Susan Lucci. This woman is a hack of the first order. I haven’t seen this much scene chewing since the Xpress Ready Set Go infomercial. This woman makes Drake Hogestyn look like Laurence Olivier!
So, I’m headed to the main Chair of Doom to have some breakfast and get on with my busy day of doing not much. It’s nice to have The Management around for six straight days, so at least I have that going for me. Of course, I got her hooked on Angry Birds, so maybe that’s not a good thing.
I’m going to leave you with some appropriate lyrics from Greg Lake’s “I Believe in Father Christmas,” which is my favorite Christmas song:
I wish you a hopeful Christmas, I wish you a brave New Year. All anguish, pain and sadness, leave your heart and let your road be clear.
I’ll be back with you soon.
P.S. I don’t have much to report on the weight loss front, but last night it was 278.6. A little loss is still a loss.
Memoirs of a Soon-to-Be Former Fat Guy 