Archive for the ‘Weight loss’ Category

So I’m sitting in a preop cubicle here at LGH. My gown is on and not tied well, cause I’m just not that coordinated.

I’m also frightened.

I guess it’s natural… They are going to reroute my plumbing. If I wasn’t scared, I’d be worried. There are so many thoughts going through my mind right now, I’m not sure which way is up.

I know that I’m logically doing the right thing, that which offers me a fighting chance at a normal life. But there’s part of me that will miss the old sedentary lifestyle. It’s going to be a battle fighting that part, but I’ve gotten this far.

In the upside, I weighed 354.2 this morning. With clothes and shoes on. The liquid diet and the reduced insulin deserve the credit, but I know that I had something to do with it as well. It’s been a struggle, but it’s worth it.

I admit my biggest problem was chatting with my mom in the way to the hospital. I heard her start to break down. I want to get this done so I can tell her I’m fine.

I’m getting shaved now. This will be fun when it grows back. It is what it is.

This will be my last post until after I’m done. Thank you all for sticking with me. Next chapter begins now.

Yeah… now it sets in.

I got the call this morning that my arrivale time at the hospital will be 8:50 AM. That means the procedure will probably go down around 11:00. Basically, I have less than 24 hours until my life changes forever.

That’s not entirely true… my life has changed already. I’ve made the adjustments to my eating and lifestyle. I’ve had my psychological session. I sat through classes on diet, learned the correct way to exercise and learned a lot more about the way the body functions (or malfunctions in my case). I also learned just how many people are rooting for me.

That last was the biggest lesson.

I never saw many people as being good friends. Sure, I had acquaintances, but I always saw my fat as an obstacle to true friends. I just assumed that people were talking about me behind my (broad) back. It wasn’t until I got involved in the Disney community that I started feeling accepted. I say “started” because I still harbored some serious doubts about my own self-worth. I think I will always struggle with that, but I can deal a lot better than I used to.

Dealing with life as a more normal sized person will be a big change. I’m going to have to put myself out there again. I’ll need to learn to not assume I’m too fat to do something and try it again. It will be nice to no longer have to request a table in a restaurant because I’m too fat for a booth. Even fitting in the break room seats at work won’t be a challenge. It will be even nicer to not forego a ride that I previously passed on due to fat.

Even buying clothes won’t be as much of a hassle. No longer needing to shop at Thornton Melon’s Tall and Fat will be a nice change of pace.

The biggest positive change I see is the elimination of the insulin. I think insulin makes you fatter… I don’t necessarily have any scientific proof to this, but it seems that I can do more exercise that I did three years ago and lose a lot less weight. In 2010, I could lose five pounds a week, now I struggle to do that in a month. Main difference? Insulin.

I know I’ve thanked everyone for their support, but there are some that really deserve some credit that I never thanked before. They would be the coworker who would talk shit about my weight and think I didn’t hear him. The comments about me not going to the beach because people would try to put me back in the water, well, they hurt at first. Then they really pissed me off the more I thought about it. It inspired me to take steps to improve my health. So, I’d like to give out a big thank you to him. The real irony is that the individual in question isn’t exactly what you would call svelte.

Anyway. That’s some people for you. Luckily, not everyone is like that.

I might write another post tonight, or at least tomorrow morning. I’ll keep you posted throughout the process.

I wonder if SPW ever thought of doing this for me?

I wonder if SPW ever thought of doing this for me?

Haven’t written for a few days. To be honest, I haven’t wanted to do much more than sleep. Consequence of the liquid diet, I’m sure. No energy. That’s beside the point. 48 hours from now, I’ll be hopefully all recovering and mainlining the morphine like nobody’s business. I’ve had to promise that I won’t let Supportive Partner Woman (Page designer of uncanny skill!) confiscate my phone. Apparently, some folks feel that any status updates or texts that I make while high will be amusing.

I’m not sure how to take that.

Anyway, I had to work last night and wanted to stop and pick up some unflavored protein powder on my way into the office. I trudged through SaveMart and located what I was looking for… some strawberry flavored powder as well as the unflavored powder. As I walked out of the door, my nose was assaulted with the smell of freshly baking pizza from the pizza shop across the way.

That’s just not fair.

At all.

Anyway, as I was getting ready for work, I thought, “What the hell?” and actually attempted to button my jeans at the waist, rather than the hips. To my surprise, it could actually be done. Go figure. It wasn’t comfortable in the least, but it’s a little victory. I’m all in favor of those.

In other news, the unflavored powder mixes pretty well with tomato soup. I’m looking forward to trying it with regular chicken broth… it will be less sodium for sure.

So, one more work day tomorrow, then I’m off for four weeks. I’ll be sure to keep you all posted, and even some scale pictures when it finally stops saying, “One at a time, please.”

Thanks again for all the support.

but maybe I’m deluded.

See, the liquid diet goes on. There are plusses… such as I lost another 3.5 pounds since Friday. I’m also sure it was more, as on Friday I was wearing workout clothes. In addition, since I started the liquid diet, I haven’t had to take any of my heavy duty insulin. I’ve been doing one injection a day of Levemir and it’s controlling things pretty well. So, yay on that front.

I had an appointment this morning with Rachel (awesomest primary care provider in the county!) and she was pretty pleased. It was odd, though… I didn’t step on the scale with that sense of dread that I normally have.

In other news, the blood pressure was 128/82. Still a smidge high, but part of that could be white coat syndrome. My resting pulse was 68, which is far better than what it used to be. I can only imagine how it will be when I’m thinner and working out again. Plus, once I’m a little smaller, I can start swimming again.

Look out world, Brian is getting healthy!

The real downside is that I’m cold all the time. Like the body doesn’t have quite fuel to keep it as warm as it used to be. I might need to invest in some long sleeve shirts at some point.

So, I’ve been having Unjury Chicken Soup protein powder for my lunch/dinner. It’s really not too bad, taste-wise. I’m not a huge fan of the sodium content, but the protein is more important, IMHO. I’ve also seen that some people recommend mixing plain protein powder with tomato soup while on the liquid diet. It also just dawns on me that I could mix the plain powder with salt-free chicken broth and get the whole enchilada… taste, low salt, AND protein. Woot!

In the good news department, I was able to toghten another notch in my belt and close my coat for the first time in, well, forever. I love my coat. See, Supportive Partner Woman (awesomest sports editor ever!) and I went to Cabela’s about 7 years ago and found a whole rack of mice winter coats on clearance. I bought this navy blue coat, with a hood for around $35 and it’s kept me warm ever since. I just haven’t been able to close it, because I was too fat. Lo and behold, when I went to zip it up yesterday, it was missing the zipper pull, which does not make me happy, but I’ll need a new coat by next winter anyway. A smaller one. Maybe Cabela’s will have another clearance sale… that would be cool. I’ve lucked out at their store from time to time. I once got a pair of $58 gloves for $7.50. Thinsulate and Goretex and big enough to fit my hands.

At any rate, that’s all I have at this juncture. Hope that you all have a great day. I’m getting a haircut after work… that’s much needed, believe you me.

 

Day One of the liquid diet has commenced. I was told many things about it, but somehow, they didn’t do it justice.

It sucks.

Profusely.

The lovely liquids... vanilla cream protein shake, beef broth and plain yogurt. Yum!

The lovely liquids… vanilla cream protein shake, beef broth and plain yogurt. Yum!

So far, since midnight, I’ve had 16 ounces of protein shake (probably the highlight), ½ cup of Jell-o, ½ cup of sugar-free pudding, 6 ounces of beef broth, and 5.5 ounces of plain Greek yogurt with some banana cream protein powder added to make it somewhat palatable. Oh, and unlimited water. I’m also having some orange PowerAde as I write this. That’s pretty good stuff.

I have to do this for three weeks?

WTF was I thinking?

It also dawned on me that 7 days from now, I’ll be post surgical and my life will have changed forever. I should be out of recovery and in my room with the PCA morphine drip going strong. Also, hopefully the catheter will be out. Yes, I know it was a fear of mine that will apparently come to fruition. They place it when surgery will be over an hour, which a bypass will be. I’m not going to lie… I’m still pretty freaked out about it.But I know I’m making the right move.

So, went with Supportive Partner Woman (most supportive!) to what we were calling, “The Last Supper.” Since we were close to Red Robin and we were both approaching stupid hungry, we opted for a burger and fries. I was a kind of good boy… I ordered mine wrapped in lettuce. It really hit the spot, though, and was sobering, as I have no idea if I’ll ever have fries again. I realize that the grilled fish at Red Lobster had the most votes, but we weren’t close to a Red Lobster. Maybe I’ll make that my first post-surgical meal out.

So, to sum up, it’s not been a particularly auspicious beginning to liquids. I can only hope it gets better.

I’m also going to attempt a visit to the Rec tonight before work and see how it goes. Figure I’ll stroll for a while and hopefully not feel too bad that I’m not totally killing it. It will seem really weird that I’m trying NOT to break a sweat. Go figure.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Song of the Day: Carry On – fun.

Currently reading: Red Storm Rising – Tom Clancy

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. ~ Jack Dixon

Perhaps best known as the last words of executed murderer Gary Gilmore, they really have special meaning to me today. See, yesterday, I had my “physical” and my pre-op EKG. The physical wasn’t quite what I expected. I’m used to the whole “turn your head and cough” thing, but this was more checking if I had a pulse, had continued to lose some weight (down two more pounds… Woot!) and evolved into a question and answer session with Dr. McPhee.

Every time I interact with him, I feel that much more confident that I’m making the right decision. He’s very frank and open, describes what he’s going to do and why he does it that way, and what kind of success he’s had with the bariatric procedures. One of the things that was worrying me was the possibility of a leak. Dr. McPhee said that he’s not had a leak yet (knock wood) and that he takes “old school” steps to avoid them. Primarily, he doesn’t just staple the joins, he sutures them as well. He said it may make for a slightly longer procedure, but one with less risk of leaks.

We discussed possible complications, including scar tissue, leaks and blood clots. They are very proactive in that they give you a shot of heparin before the surgery and monitor things closely. They also hook you up with the squeezy things for your legs to make sure that blood is kept moving through the procedure.

There’s also the possibility that, if everything goes swimmingly, I could be released the next night. I’m not going to push it, but if I have the opportunity, I’ll do it. I did of course, tell the surgeon that all depended on the cable package. He said it’s just basic, so I should bring my iPad.

Once again, I can’t stress the amount of individualized care that the practice puts into each patient. I’m left with the distinct impression that if someone fails in the quest to become healthy, they take it personally. That’s actually been the case with the vast majority of the health care professionals I’ve met while dealing with the LGH system. The jackass ER doc being the exception, of course.

There’s a story there, as there always is… seems that when I visited the ER with the original infection, I had to deal with an extremely brusque ER attending physician. He took one look at my foot and pronounced, “Well, that’s coming off,” and walked away. Seriously. For that, he got a bigger insurance payout than the surgeon who did two operations on my toe. WTF?

At any rate, I’m going to get prepped for the liquid diet. The real reason behind it is that it shrinks the liver and gets it out of the way, giving the team more room to work. There will be two board-certified bariatric surgeons in the OR with me, which doubles my confidence level. I’m still scared, but I’m more sure that I’m making the right decision. And after I shed a Backstreet Boy, and am off my meds, well, then I’ll really be sure I did the right thing.

I’ll keep you posted.

Song of the Day: In Too Deep – Sum 41

It does feel good to be working out again. Funny how I’ve become such a fan of the gym that I hardly went to the first five years I was a member. I never actually tried to quit the gym, unless I was moving to another gym. I’m always reminded of the clip from Friends when Chandler was quitting the gym. Classic stuff.

I had the pre-op nutrition class today. Filled with a lot of interesting information, primarily what can be expected before during and after my operation. The before is the fun part. I get a week of full liquids. That means, starting next Tuesday, no real food for me for three weeks.

Let’s recap…

Brian with no soda, caffeine, or real food = grumpier than usual Brian. Be warned.

There’s a whole bunch of paperwork to be done, not to mention the pre-op bathing ritual. Apparently, I need to shower the night before and morning of using a special soap called Hibicleans. This is part of an infection-reduction initiative. I also can’t shave that morning, and no manscaping four days prior to the surgery. Apparently, they no longer shave whatever area is being operated on. Good and bad… the good is that it won’t itch nearly as much as it grows back, but the bad part is that it will be a cast-iron bitch to remove the heart monitor leads.

Speaking of hearts, I have to go get a pre-op EKG. It won’t be the first one I’ve ever had, but they really aren’t that much fun. Primarily due to the leads getting stuck on your hairs. Last time I was in, I yanked one off and it looked like it was wearing a toupee. Not a lot of fun. I also have to get the requisite blood work done. I guess I know what I’ll be doing Monday morning.

Immediately before surgery, you get to put on a lovely gown, meet the anesthesiologist, and your surgeon comes and autographs where he’s going to do the deed. They give you an IV and it’s off to the cold table. I will also apparently leave the hospital weighing more than what I started at They give you an IV and it’s off to the cold table. I will also apparently leave the hospital weighing more than what I started at, due to the fluids they pump in to keep things clean. They also inflate the abdominal cavity with CO2 to make sure there’s room to work. That gas apparently works its way out of the body eventually. I’m hoping it doesn’t exit through the normal route, because I don’t need to be sitting in the room cheesing like a defective rocket.

The rooms are apparently nice. They are singles on the seventh floor and there is room for a family member or loved one to stay the night. I will be in for two nights, if all goes according to plan.

The surgery itself is pretty involved. One of these days I’ll have to post a diagram. Basically, they create a stomach pouch, take part of the small intestine, and create a “Y” which allows for most of the food taken in to bypass the biggest piece of the stomach. The malabsorption creates a bypass and you lose weight. There’s a lot more to it, but that’s the short of it.

28998_10200855151807645_1127838705_nSo, had a good run at the gym. While I forgot to take an actual picture of yesterday’s results, when I uploaded it to the website, I did manage to capture a screenshot. Improvements are good.

Tomorrow will be busy. Preop physical with Dr. McPhee, EKG and a workout session. That’s all before bedtime. Yikes! My last session with Ryan and Cory will probably be on Monday, since liquids start on Tuesday. They don’t let you work out if you’re on liquids, although you can do some relaxed walking. No strenuous cardio, which I guess I understand. Not a lot of calories going in the tank. I’ll let you know how things go tomorrow.

Have a great day!

Today's summary

Today’s summary

After doing a night on third shift, my first stop was the Rec. Did a smidge over 30 minutes of cardio, which is 10 more minute than I did yesterday. Maybe tomorrow will be 10 more minutes. We shall see. Wasn’t my best distance or time, but I still need to take care of Wayne while getting my work in. If I don’t, then bad things happen and I get even fatter. I don’t want to be that guy.

The hardest part of the shift change is going to be establishing a time when I should go to the gym. Ideally I should go before my shift, get the endorphins going and that will make surviving third shift that much easier. The downside is sleep, or lack thereof. I often joke about plenty of time to sleep when you’re dead, but I’ve grown to appreciate some quality shuteye.

I also thought I forgot my insulin kit last night. As much as I am looking forward to never needing to use it again, it still keeps my going for right now. Turns out I left it in the gym bag. Another stellar recall achievement by me!

At any rate, I need to grab some of that shuteye I was talking about.

Had a foot doctor appointment this morning to see how Wayne is doing. In a word, he’s pleased.

About time that phalangeal bastard behaves himself. Just sayin’

Prescribed care is to continue with the betadyne for a few more days, then I’m good to go. Most importantly for me, this means I can get back to a somewhat normal workout.

See, I’m released from the Boot of Shame. Woohoo!

In other news, we had the family combined birthday thing yesterday. My mom, sister, aunt and uncle all went to the Lobster of Redness. Sadly, Supportive Partner Woman (possessor of a norovirus!) was unable to attend due to illness. My aunt and uncle extended their invitation for Easter dinner and I had to tell them that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to travel too much, being all of 5 days post surgery at that point. My mother seemingly forgot I told her I had a date set. That didn’t go over particularly well, but what can you do? We did manage to talk about it afterward and while her and my sister might not agree with my choice, they’ve both pledged their support, which really means a lot. Granted, if my mother decides to come and stay with me while I’m recouping, it will be like the genesis of Stubby, Part Deux. We’ll just burn that bridge when we get there.

The bad part is that the week away from regular workouts has probably not helped my weight loss efforts. I’m thinking of trying a pre-liquid sort of liquid diet. Two meals including fruit, yogurt and/or protein shakes, and a sensible dinner. I’m also going to hope I don’t get hit with what SPW got hit with.

I’ll continue to keep you posted as I transition to third shift. I’m also assuming that you can expect some rather doped up posts while I’m in the hospital. They supposedly have wifi, so that’s a plus. I have the iPad ready to go.

Wow… 200.

That’s a lot of posts. I started the blog in 2010, so we’re approaching the 3rd anniversary. Granted, I did take almost a year away from writing, otherwise we might be talking about 300 posts. So, if you counted the actual time period when I did something with the blog, I’m averaging a post every 3-4 days. Some months there are more, some months, there are less.

It’s the nature of the beast, I suppose. If I have something to write about, I write. I hate when I say I’m going to write every day for a month and I find myself struggling to write something because I can’t think of anything to say.

At least on the chosen topic.

I could always go off on a tangent about the infield fly rule, or the designated hitter, or any hot button issue. I could wax rhapsodically on pretty much anything ranging from music to movies to television.

That’s not why you come here, and while I’d like to believe I’d write whether y’all read my scribbling or not, you’re the reason I keep doing it. I appreciate everyone reading this, from friends and family, co-workers, Nigerian princes, and any other subgroup you can name.

So, onto the actual meat of the topic… support group.

We had a session last night and the guest speaker was a psychologist who works with the clinic. She had an interesting graphic showing the circles of support ranging from the center (you) to immediate family, extended family, friends and coworkers, the clinic staff and finally social media and online groups. To sum up, she stated that if you have two or three of these support levels, you’ll succeed. It was also noted that the clinic as a whole has an 85% success rate for people who get the surgery and stick with the program. It was really inspiring and it’s nice to hear that there are so many successes just in one practice.

They also announced that they are looking to pair up post-op patients who have succeeded with pre-op patients who are struggling. That’s a great idea, in my opinion, because these are people who have gone through the same process, have been fat and beaten the odds.

Supportive Partner Woman (Awesomest spouse EVER!) also managed to attend the group session with me, which really meant a lot. She got to see what goes on at a meeting and to meet some of the folks she’s only heard me talk about. She passed on sampling some of Dr. McPhee’s minestrone which was quite tasty, despite the fact that he left the pasta sitting on the counter next to the stove at home. This did make me hope that on my surgery date, he doesn’t forget to reattach anything important. His food is actually quite good, though, and sampling some of the recipes is a highlight of group.

In other news, Bariatric Physician Specialists was just recognized as a Center of Excellence in bariatric surgery, which is a pretty big deal. As comfortable as I was with the procedure, it still makes me feel better knowing they have a national accreditation. I also had the opportunity to speak with Dr. McPhee for a few minutes and he’s pretty excited for me.

In short, it’s been a pretty long road, to get to this point. It’s going to be longer after the operation. This is a change for the rest of my life. I plan to continue blogging about the journey and it won’t always be rosy, I’m sure. There will always be those who don’t agree with me taking that step. To them I say, “It’s OK if you don’t agree with this choice. I just ask that you respect my choice and we’ll be fine.”

After all, it’s my life and if I could do it another way, I would.

My journey is just beginning.

Thank you for reading.

Song of the Day: Candy-O – The Cars

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams – Jason Love