Wow… what a downer

Posted: August 8, 2012 in Exercise, pet peeves, Physical activity, Walking, Weight loss
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I just reread what I posted earlier and I was struck by how down it seemed. It wasn’t meant to be bitter… I don’t actually know what I was trying to get across, other than it’s NOT futile. It’s a struggle, but most things are.

All in all, not a bad day

So, I went to the gym this morning/afternoon. I wanted to top my previous time best on the treadmill. I started out at around 2.7 miles per hour… faster than my usual walk. Upped it to 2.9 about 7 minutes in, then upped it again to 3.2. It was a good workout… I managed to make it 46 minutes… I’m catching up to my friend Glenn. He’s really been an inspiration to get in some treadmill work. It hurts… I won’t lie, but the pain fades and my ankles will feel better. In fact, the more weight I lose, the better it’s going to be on my joints. I’ve noticed vast improvements in my cardiovascular health… I can walk at a brisk clip, kind of uphill for over two miles and only get to a 120 heartbeat? Wow… whoda thunk?

My biggest gym beefs allude to some people who Supportive Partner Woman (certifiable gym rat-to-be!) has mentioned in the past. Those she refers to as American Stick Insects. These would be the ulta-fit women who show up and make the StairMaster their figurative bitch clad only in spandex shorts, a sports bra and half gloves. I don’t mind that somebody’s fit… I wish I was at the point I could tame the evil beast that is the StairMaster, but what I do mind is that after sweating like the Nototious B.I.G. after he ate a gallon of hot sauce, said Stick Insect did not wipe down the machine, then went to the elliptical and proceeded to pull the same bush league act.

The other people I have issues with are the late 40’s early 50’s midlife crisis guys who walk around like frat boys and act like frat boys, too. SPW (observer of people acting like chumps!) reported seeing the biggest douchenozzle of them all of them go walking out of the gym doing the George Jefferson walk while wearing wraparound shades and his garish yellow shirt. He was probably heading out to his midlife crisis car.

These guys just spend the entire time they are there just trying to show off… it’s kind of, well, immature. Usually I want to gripe about these kids today, but with the exception of some chatty teenage girls who like to text on the elliptical, most of them show up, are serious about the workout, and don’t clown around too much.

Anyways, it’s off to another exciting night at the office. Once again, I apologize for the tone of the earlier post. Anything that makes me healthier is not futile. I know I’m going to have down days, but just have to move on.

That feeling of futility

Posted: August 8, 2012 in Exercise, Futility, regrets, Weight loss
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Ever sit down and wonder, “What’s the point?”

Have you ever been just struck by a feeling that what you are trying to do is totally pointless?

Have you ever been so discouraged for no apparent reason that you start to doubt your own state of mind?

I’ve been there the last few days. I’ve gone through the motions at the gym, worked up a sweat, but have been totally second guessing my reasons for embarking on this journey in the first place. It makes no logical sense whatsoever for me to be feeling this way, but I still do.

See, this is danger time for me. This is the time when I start to snack when I shouldn’t. I’ll start skipping days at the gym. I’ll be “too busy” or some other bullshit excuse. Even if I don’t have a good reason, I’ll take a bad reason and make it sound good, the entire time trying to justify it to myself.

Why the hell does this always happen? I kid you not… if I could just learn to listen to the sheer bullshit I was spewing at times like this, well, I probably wouldn’t be so damn fat.

I guess you could say that my biggest (no pun intended) enemy is myself. It’s not the weight, it’s my mind. How do you battle something that knows everything about you?

Logically, I know I’ve made strides. I’m getting encouragement (thanks, folks!) and not just from the folks I see on a daily basis. Still, the biggest inner voice is the one screaming, “You suck! You’re such a loser! You’ll never amount to anything but a big, fat pig!” and as much as I try to silence that, it screams all the louder. The more I ignore it, the more it keeps eating away at my willpower until eventually, I cave. I always have.

Maybe it’s time to just stop listening to that inner voice, or better yet, bitch slap it into submission. Granted, I have NO idea how to do that, but if this is going to work, I need to figure it out pretty quickly. Maybe I should just write it a memo. I don’t know.

One day at a time, I suppose. This way, if I have a bad day today, I can have a better day tomorrow. Maybe it’s not totally futile.

Kicking my own arse

Posted: August 7, 2012 in Customer service, Exercise, Physical activity, Southwest, Weight loss
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Good morning!

First of all, an update on the Southwest saga. I spoke with someone in their customer relations department and they were very helpful and listened to what I had to say. There was no talk of compensation, I wasn’t looking for money, just an explanation. The woman I spoke to, Lauren, was very candid and described that they had the entire IT team in trying to nail down the issue and to make sure it didn’t happen again. I’m proud of myself for not letting Captain Furious out… the lady was just doing her job and it wasn’t her fault that things got jacked up. Anyway, to make a potentially long story shorter, I received an email later in the day yesterday apologizing for the screw up and that they would be sending me a travel voucher in hopes that I would consider flying with them again. Voucher arrived today and I’m looking at the return leg from Reunion in December.

So, on to more serious business.

SPW (Wearer of very blue Nikes!) and I went to Hempfield Rec yesterday and I got on the treadmill. Instead of setting a time, I just started walking, figured I would go as long as I felt like it. Not counting the warm up and cool down cycles, I kept the speed between 2.7 and 3.2 mph (a good, brisk walk) and stopped around 42 minutes, just because I knew I had to get home, shower up and go to work. This means I’m over half way to my 70 minute goal. I actually felt pretty good afterward… legs and feet weren’t barking too much and what really has shown up is that my heart rate averaged 114. When I first got started on this program, the heart rate would register well over 130 for ten minutes. I’d say that’s a nice improvement in my cardiovascular health.

The downside has been that while it hasn’t been a bad food stretch for me, it’s not been a great one. There’s been some bread being consumed… probably not the best thing for me. I need to refocus on that part of things. See, I had made one of those Pillsbury French loaves for the dinner I had on Saturday, and there were a few leftover pieces. I didn’t want them to go to waste and, well, that stuff is like legal crack, so I eated them.Speaking of mom dinner, both she and my sister enjoyed the food. I got a really lovely piece of sockeye (on sale… boo-yah!) and corn from the Corn Wagon, and threw together a simple, yet healthy dinner that turned out to be really tasty. I even put out shrimp for an appetizer. Of course, there are leftovers, including a giant bowl of salad, so I’m set for dinners this week. Sunday, SPW (Apple tech junkie!) and I went out for dinner. We were in the Downingtown area and found a new location for PJ Whelihan’s Pub. We’ve been to other Whelihan’s locations over the years and I was really in the mood for a burger. I was proud of myself… I ordered the chili as an appetizer and then had a bison burger. Bison is a better choice than standard beef… lower in fat and almost twice the protein. Whatever the nutritional impact, it was pretty dang tasty.

Headed to a rare afternoon session with Ryan today. It’s the only time he had an opening for, so I will have to take some clothes and shower up there in order to make it to work close to on time. I’m going to refocus on kicking my own arse. I let it slide in the food department for a couple of days and it’s not going to slide any more. It can’t.

I’ll keep you posted.

The SouthWORST experience

Posted: August 5, 2012 in Customer service, Southwest, Stress, Travel
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So, when we last spoke, we were talking about me fitting in t-shirts I haven’t worn for a while. That’s old news. Well, it’s still news, but not the newest news. You get the picture.

<RANT ON>

I decided to take advantage of the Southwest sale on Friday. I could get the flights to/from Orlando for $150 less than what I would’ve had to pay and I even got to add an extra day to the vacation. Apparently everyone had the same thought, because things were FUBAR from the get go. I got a confirmation. Then ANOTHER confirmation. And ANOTHER. Oh, and one more for good measure. If you’re keeping score at home, that’s four confirmations. All with different ticket numbers, for the same flights on the same days. For the same people.

I waited another hour after this.

I called their toll-free number and it was busy. I retried 12 times before it rang. After making my selections, a pleasant recorded voice told me that my call would be answered in the order received and that my estimated hold time would be between 42 minutes and 1 hour and five minutes. I wasn’t thrilled, but I figured I could use the hands free and get some things done while waiting. Now, Southwest does not have hold music. They have a series of amusing vignettes starring real ramp workers and customer service reps talking about the policies and services they offer. I should rephrase. They cease to be amusing and become annoying after about the sixth repetition. I mean, I KNOW you can’t take a #$%^#$ giraffe on a commercial airliner! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

After about two and a half hours, I decided to go to bed… besides, if they would’ve answered, I might have erupted. As it was, I tried again in the morning and was told my wait time would be between 23 and 42 minutes. 90 minutes later, I packed it in.

So, I finally got through to a real live person around 11:30 PM last night. Becky was very helpful and apologetic, had the extra flights cancelled and everything good in around 10 minutes. I was still annoyed, but relieved that things were set. I added an additional night’s DVC lodging and was ready to go. Went to bed, and, well, when I woke up and checked my email, there was ANOTHER email from Southwest stating that my remaining reservation was cancelled. WTF? I went and called, and was told everyone was busy, but they would call me back, which they did. Again, Cindy was helpful, but I couldn’t get a reason as to why this reservation had been cancelled, other than “confusion” and “a glitch”.

Now, maybe I’m old-fashioned, but this isn’t “LUV”. I’m not looking for anything but a specific explanation. It doesn’t help to go off on the phone rep… it’s not their job to listen to that, but I am still not happy. Grand total of over four hours on the phone… they could’ve updated the hold message saying that they had a systems problem and they are working to correct it instead of the stupid “You can’t bring a giraffe on the plane” bit.

Suffice it to say, I miss AirTran. Never had an issue with them and the one time they cancelled a flight on us, well, I called and asked about it and without being prompted, they issued travel certificates for our next trip as a way of apologizing for my inconvenience. I’m going to think long and hard before I decide to travel via Southwest again. I know people love them, and maybe I just got the perfect shitstorm of issues, but it is what it is. I’m an unhappy customer and I’m not finding it easy to contact someone who can give me the answer I’m looking for.

Granted, if they tell me I’m too fat to fly, well, then all bets are off.

<RANT OFF>

Hope you all had a nice weekend. I’ll be back later with the tale of the family dinner.

The T-shirt contest

Posted: August 3, 2012 in Exercise, Physical activity, Supportive Partner Woman, Walking, Weight loss
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And, no, it’s not wet. Sorry, folks.

It’s been an interesting couple of days here at MOASTBFFG. A few weeks ago, I wrote about how SPW (possessor of lots of clothes!) and I were cleaning out our closets. I had mentioned finding a stack of t-shirts that I hoped to be able to wear again soon. Soon has arrived. I’ve actually busted out a few more since the Alzheimer’s Walk shirt… one that proudly proclaimed that “REAL MEN WEAR KILTS” and a vintage 2009 Scopa Towers tee. The best was this morning, when I thought I’d wear something new to the gym and found a MouseFest 2008 shirt.

They call me… Tim?

The Binge

This has been the single biggest highlight, other than feeling better. Being able to put on stuff and it’s not too tight. I might not always see it on a scale, but the clothes don’t lie. In fact, for general wear today, I actually fit in a Woot! shirt. That’s worth a… woot? It’s a Monty Python tee, as many of my purchases tend to be. This featuring Tim the Enchanter. I have another that has swallows and coconuts and SPW and I share one with the Knights of Ni. Others that I am looking forward to breaking out would be The Binge, featuring the Cookie Monster. I have a soft spot for goofy t-shirts and I’m really looking forward to wearing much of my collection again.

So, for the first time in years, I made it to the gym for five straight days. Plenty of cardio and lifting, and I felt so good after today’s session, I’m thinking of heading over tomorrow morning for some more cardio. I’ll take Sunday off… since SPW (proud attendee of BlogHer 12!) will be coming home, maybe we’ll journey to the Lego Store and Wegman’s… see what’s going on. I know this will be a great opportunity for her to network and see our friend April, but I still miss her terribly.

Well, I think that might wrap it up for today. I hope to continue to fit in stuff and keep up the good gym habits. I’m not going to lie… it’s a struggle to get there most mornings, and the first ten minutes of cardio is an absolute beast, but if I get through that, it gets a lot easier. I have a new goal to strive for, though… my friend and fellow weight warrior Glenn has recently managed to crank out 70 straight minutes on the treadmill. My personal best is 35 straight. I’m going to strive to get to that 70 minute mark. Maybe not next week, but next month? I’m feeling that anything is possible… if I can get my chubby self into a shirt I never thought I’d wear again, well, I can do more. I have to do more.

Pardon our dust as we remodel

Posted: August 3, 2012 in Administration
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Finally made a change to the site today that’s been in the offing for a month.

I added a page of photographic evidence  chronicalling my weight difficulties over the years. There are very few of my completely orca fat moments… to call me camera shy would be an understatement. As things progress, I’ll add photos to document my progress.

Cheers!

July 30

Posted: August 2, 2012 in Exercise, family, Supportive Partner Woman, Travel, Weight loss
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I was feeling kind of down the other day… I wasn’t quite sure why this was until this evening. The date finally dawned on me. July 30. See, July 30 marked seven years since my grandmother passed.

My grandmother and I at my college graduation – December 1999

See, I only ever knew one grandmother. My paternal grandmother passed away many years before I was born, but my maternal grandmother, well, she was a constant in my life. Every up, down and sideways, I could always count on my grammy to be there. She helped all of us through the loss of my dad, and was there when SPW and I got married. There’s a low and a high for you. She was there for every birthday, graduation, confirmation, spring musical, communion, and I’m pretty sure she was at my baptism, but that was 41 years ago and my memory is a little fuzzy.

One of the things that really sticks in my mind about my grandmother… she was a Disney fan. I guess I come by it naturally. One time when she was down with us, I think it was either 1978 or 1982, we coerced her to go on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. That was amusing… to us. She was slightly less amused.

I got to travel with my grandmother periodically. We took a bus trip through California after I graduated high school that was a lot of fun. We started in San Francisco, went to Monterey, Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, and then headed back through Solvang and ended up in Anaheim. The sad thing is that I was within a stone’s throw of Disneyland and never got there because my grandmother felt that it would be disappointing after having been to Walt Disney World several times. Wish I could’ve made my own decision, though… I’ll get there one day. We did wind up going to Universal Studios Hollywood and that was a lot of fun. I even got to participate in the Star Trek Experience… That was an interesting experience. I got to be the Klingon captain. Woot! One real highlight of that trip was when I took her to the Hard Rock Cafe in San Francisco. For anyone curious as to what my acting “debut” really looked like, I think you could say that I was about as wooden as Shatner… then again, you can be the judge.

Our other big trip together was to Las Vegas. We did Las Vegas style stuff, including Siegfried & Roy, taking the Dam tour, and gambling a little. We stayed at Treasure Island, which was one of the newest hotels in the city, and I managed to get an incredibly bad sunburn, but it was some fun.

One of the best things about my grandmother was how she would take a shine to people. When she was ill and in the home, if Supportive Partner Woman (Bestest ever!) was visiting and a new nurse came in, my grandmother would always introduce SPW as her granddaughter, not as her grandson’s wife or granddaughter-in-law. She was also too generous. If it would snow, I would go to her place and make sure her car was cleaned off and shovelled out, and she would always insist on paying me. I would always refuse, and then the next time I would put on my gloves, there would be money stuck in one of them. If you protested the next time you saw her, she’d give you this little grin and deny it was her. Every time a minor holiday came by, she’d always have a card for you (Happy Columbus Day?!?) with a couple of dollars stashed inside. Just the way she was.

In the end, she left with no regrets. She told me that she had done what she wanted with her life, and she was ready to go. We all should be so lucky to have that much peace and to leave with no regrets.

I’m going to head to the gym now… day 4 in a row. Back is feeling slightly better. The weekend will prove to be a challenge as Supportive Partner Woman (fitness machine!) heads to NYC to attend BlogHer ’12. I’ll miss her terribly, but I’m not going to go on an eating binge. That would be so counter-productive and, well, what would be the point? To just totally scarf down food until I sit there feeling physically sick and mentally guilty? This is a huge improvement for me, though, as in previous incarnations, I’d already be thinking about what I could binge on. Not gonna do it. Never again.

Going to make it…

Posted: August 1, 2012 in Exercise, Physical activity, Supportive Partner Woman, Weight loss
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I woke up this morning with a nasty kink in my back. My normal reaction would be to kind of hang around and bitch about said kink until it went away.

I’m a changed (ing) man.

My response today was to try and stretch it out as much as possible and I’m headed to the gym to try and work it out. This is a big week for me… I’m going to try to make it for five straight days. I have an appointment with Ryan on Friday (8 AM… gack!), so today and tomorrow are the tough ones. I think I can do it.

Yesterday’s session had a little drama. I woke up and for once had a decent blood sugar reading. It was 139. I took my insulin, ate a bowl of cereal with skim milk, and headed right out to my appointment. The bariatric fitness center’s policy regarding diabetes is iron clad… you check your sugar when you start, you check it afterward. If it falls below 80, you’re done. Simple and clear cut. When I got there, my reading was 100. I hopped on the treadmill, did 10 minutes, then went to the elliptical and did another 10 minutes. I then moved onto the weightlifting portion. I got through the rows, chest presses and pulldowns, but on my second set of squats and shoulder presses, I couldn’t manage more than 6 reps. I can normally do 12. I noticed the shakiness and fatigue, so I took another sugar reading and stuck a 71. Not good. With the staff being so on top of things, well, Ryan sat me down and made sure I took a glucose tablet. In about 10 minutes, I was good to go.

These sugar lows are a scary thing. While 71 is nothing near my low, it’s scary enough especially when being physically active.

So today’s workout was pretty good. Got my cardio in and worked legs and some crunches. Trying to do something about my keg (note I didn’t mention a six-pack) and trying to build some core strength.

I still haven’t asked about the yoga. That’s maybe on my to-do list on Friday.

One good thing from today is that I’m wearing a t shirt I haven’t been able to wear since soon after my hospital stay. It’s a shirt from the Alzheimer’s walk that SPW and I participated in back in 2010. Its not as baggy as I prefer, but I don’t look like a sausage in it, either. Tangible results! Yay!

I’m working on something special. I don’t want to say any more right now just because the video might not work too well. Until next time!

100 posts… whoda thunk it?

Posted: July 30, 2012 in friends
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100 posts! Thank you!

Yes, this marks my 100th post. I started this blog a little over two years ago, and after a few good months, it slid. Then it went away for about a year. I decided to refocus on it when I realized how much better the weight loss struggle went when I put it out there for the world to see.

It’s more than that, however. I have gotten so much feedback and support from you, the readers, that I’m dedicating post #100 to you. I knew that the site was getting views… there are a few comments here and there, some likes on my posts. The real clincher is when someone I know comes up out of the blue and tells me they have been reading and enjoying what I post. Or, someone drops a Facebook message to tell me to keep it up, or that I’ve inspired them to make some positive changes in their lives.

Wow.

I never dreamed I would have this kind of an impact, nor have I ever sought to be a role model, other than maybe as the poster child for what not to eat. But to be a positive inspiration to folks, friends and strangers alike, is humbling. Truth is, it’s YOU who inspire ME. I wouldn’t be anything other than a fat guy bemoaning my lot in life if it wasn’t for you. Are there days I don’t want to go to the gym, or days I want nothing more than a giant cheesesteak with a steamer trunk full of fries on the side? Yup. But knowing I’ve been setting an example makes me put down the hoagie and take a walk, or to ignore the vending machines (not all that hard ignoring the Wheel of Death) and do something different, something productive. When I don’t feel like eating right, I see Supportive Partner Woman (still The Management!) and think that I need to be around for her, and I make a better choice. When I don’t feel like hitting the gym, I see a good friend who is making some changes, despite some nagging medical issues, and I go to the gym because someone else is doing it.

Seriously, folks… I’m doing this for me, but you make me want to keep doing it. I know there are people out there reading this who are bigger than me, smaller than me, shorter, taller, lighter, darker, etc. It comes down to making a choice. Do you make changes or don’t you? If you decide to let someone else make that determination, you’re still choosing. Neal Peart said it best in Freewill with the following:

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice

So, I’m choosing this post to say thank you to everyone who’s supported me in this quest. Even if I never met you, you give me the energy and the motivation to keep going. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, but you’ve given me the strength to face it that I wouldn’t otherwise possess.

Thank you for that gift.

I know I’ve had a lot of self-doubt this past week… life getting in the way and all that rubbish. I’m not giving up. I can do stuff that would drive other people insane… using a pair of tweezers to place sprinkles on cookies at Christmas (ask my mother) just to make sure that all the proper cutout indentations are filled in. Why do I do that? I don’t know, but I’ve done it for years. I’ll do this, too. I have a lot to live for… even if it took me 40 years to realize that.

Let’s get through the next 100 posts together, shall we?

Sunday morning

Posted: July 29, 2012 in acid trip, Danny Boyle, Maru, Olympics, Stress
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I spent a good chunk of yesterday waiting around for the gnomish little notary guy. He finally showed, paperwork is all officially signed, and the house is refinanced. Yay us.

As we were waiting for him, I took a plunge and installed Mac OS X Mountain Lion on our iMac. We had originally purchased the Mac last summer and it came with OS X Snow Leopard. About 2 weeks after we bought it, OS X Lion was released. Since I’m a Windows guy from way back, I would probably say that, to me, Snow Leopard was like Windows XP, Lion was like Vista, and Mountain Lion seems like Windows 7. That’s not saying that Lion was nearly as horrendous as Vista, but Vista does pretty much suck. That is a fact not in dispute.

There is no truth to the rumor that the next release of OS X will be named after teh Interwebz most famous feline.

It makes me wonder, though… if Apple is naming all the versions of OS X after big cats and they’ve used Lion, Tiger, Cheetah, Leopard, etc… what’s next? Do you make OS X Lynx? OS X Sabre-toothed Tiger? Or, do you go a little more internet and call it OS X Maru? I think that would be perfect.

After the gnomish little guy left, both Supportive Partner Woman (lead wire editor for the day!) and I headed off to our respective places of employment. It’s funny… I don’t like to work the weekend, and getting there is horrid, but once I’m there, it becomes easier to take. There’s usually a lot less stress on the weekend, the phones aren’t ringing, and all the chatterboxes are always chattering.

Wound up working on a particularly nasty job for a client involving all sorts of text and data manipulation. Hoping that the job is done by the time I get in tonight.

Yes, both SPW and I have to work tonight as well. The hard part for me about working a Sunday is that it’s straight time, since it’s the beginning of the week. That’s a recent change… used to be Saturdays, Sundays and anything over 7.5 hours in a day was considered overtime. Now you have to make it to 37.5 hours in a week, then it’s considered overtime. I realize that this just means that Friday is all OT, but it’s a psychological thing.

So, anyway, since it’s Sunday, SPW (taco enthusiast!) and I will probably make our weekly trek to Chipotle over in York. While it’s not the best food calorically, I can get a freshly made burrito bowl that usually feeds me two meals. I opt for brown rice, black beans, peppers and onions, chicken, pico ge gallo, lettuce and cheese. I accidentally got some of their hotter salsa last time and it was pretty tasty. Just sayin.

Did any of you watch the Olympic opening ceremony? I used the phrase “Danny Boyle’s acid trip” to describe a large part of it. Maybe the craptacular coverage by NBC diminished its impact, but while there were high points, there were certainly some WTF moments. For me, the real winners were the Queen’s bit with Daniel Craig that even had a cameo from two of the Royal Corgis, and, well, Rowan Atkinson was hysterical during the Chariots of Fire number. The real trippy moments included the scared children being calmed down by the squadron of Mary Poppinses, the freakishly large baby and the Industrial Revolution being overrun by a battalion of Sergeant Pepper wannabes. The NBC coverage of the Parade of Nations I found to be lacking, since there were no shots of that kinda hot javelin thrower from Paraguay. Oh, and can somebody tell me what the appeal of Ryan Seacrest is, cause I’m sure not getting it.

Anyways, that’s Sunday for you. The next post will be #100. Still not sure what it’s going to be about, but stay tuned!

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